Heading Back To Work

After much thought and discussion, its time for me to head back to work. While Hubby and I both agree that I don't have to go back to work, its probably best for me while he is gone so that I have something very active to distract me and get me out of the house.

I had a phone interview with Washington Mutual this afternoon and the recruiter is forwarding my information onto the Branch Manager and is recommending me for an in person interview. I was really shocked to even get a call from Washington Mutual, especially after only a couple of days and before Fred Meyer has even called. I am a two time former employee of Fred Meyer for crying out loud! Hopefully, I will get a call for an interview sometime early next week.

I am extremely nervous about this decision to go back to work at a conventional job. I am afraid it means that I am giving up on my dreams of being a successful Doula and eventually a Midwife. I really have no idea the full implications of this decision, does it mean that I am selling out my values? Does this mean that I have somehow failed in my quest to be a homemaker? I think my fears are only slightly helped by the fact that I don't NEED to go back to work.

Of course all these fears hinge on my actually having an in person interview, as well as me getting a job. I have been out of the workforce for so long, I am sure they are looking at my application and laughing there collective asses off. If I don't get a job somewhere outside the home, I will most likely probably work my ass off even harder to get out there and promote myself as a Doula. Which, I am only half ass-ing right now because of the holidays and such coming up. Our budget is a little tight because of that but, we are still doing awesome.

I am trying to think positively about this, which is quiet hard because my fears are pretty loud. Hubby said that whatever money I make is for me to do with as I please, which is really nice of him to say. I would probably put most of it in savings, after I bought some clothes and other stuffs like my Sony Cybershot H-50:


That is just one of my current dream cameras, The other being the wonderful Nikon D40 SLR:
I am still debating which one to choose. In all honesty after buying a memory stick to go with the Cybershot, I will probably have spent close to what the D40 is worth and I already have a memory card that would work the the D40. I guess time and finances will tell for sure. I really miss taking pictures and being creative with my photo taking. Maybe when I have a good camera again I can get into it. Plus, its a good investment when it comes to the Doula side of things so I can take pictures of births and families.

I am going to take the weekend to really think about things, yet again and come Sunday I will be discussing them with Hubby. Well, once he gets back into a contact area that is. I am going to assume that this means I am on a good path and am going to keep up with my optimistic streak.