Its Official!

I am now officially a student midwife! Even with it being completely official, I am still in shock. I honestly cannot believe this is happening. If Hubby were here, I would probably ask him to pinch me lol. I told my sister it was official and she says to me "that's great, now you know how I feel being a student again!"

I stayed up entirely too late last night finishing off Twilight. The people that call that book "literary crack" was dead on. I could not put the book down, even when I realized it was close to 3 hours past my usual bedtime. Even after a workout this morning I feel like a complete zombie. So much so that my left eye keeps twitching involuntarily, which is rather annoying.

My Mom is coming over tomorrow to spend the night. She wants to go to the Casino on one of the nights that they have drawings and such. I better wash the pillow the cat sleeps on or my Mom is gonna wake up all puffy eyed. She is slightly allergic to cats and cannot get cat hair in her eyes or she looks like she has been smoking something she shouldn't. She is also taking me grocery shopping on base. One of these days I am going to start driving again *sigh*

Speaking of driving, I still have not received our Forester. Hubby keeps getting told that its coming and it just never shows up. Supposedly his buddy will be bringing it up on leave sometime within the month. If he does not, he faces military action against him for fraud. I guess its a good thing that we have not started making payments on it, since those are deferred until the deployment ends. If there even IS a Forester. We are both in the "believe it when we see it stage" of this car buying situation.

Hubby is having a very tough time right now. So much so that I cannot really go into it on my public blog. Right now, he has an injured knee. Its in a brace and he is in a lot of pain. He is not allowed out on mission at this moment cause he would just be cannon fodder if they had to dismount. The good thing about this is that I got to talk to him for several hours over different time periods yesterday. It was on Yahoo messenger but, it was still nice. The best part was that I got to see him on webcam! Its been three months since I have seen his face. Even better, is he tells me that he now weighs more than I do! Hubby is definitely bulking up, I can see it and I like it.

I can tell that things are going to go very well this year. I just have an amazing feeling about everything. Soon enough this deployment will end and I will have my Hubby back. We can get on with the part of our lives where he is home. Hopefully, he will not have another deployment for two years instead of just nine to ten months between.

Right now, all is well.

Took A Step Today

I mailed my application paperwork and tuition checks this morning. The part of me that is terrified of change really wanted to go back to the mailbox and pull it back out. Fortunately, I did not give into that urge and am moving forward with this amazing change in my life. I celebrated by going to the bookstore with my Mom and was surprised to find my Dad tagging along too. He stayed in the car listening to his Ipod though.

I totally scored thanks to the $25 gift card I got for my birthday back in October (thanks Grammie!) and I picked up Ina May's Guide To Childbirth and Twilight. Thanks to a 20% off coupon I only had to pay $1.80, totally worth it. I am so very excited to read Ina May's book. Spiritual Midwifery changed my life and set me on the path that I am now walking. While reading that I entertained ideas of becoming a midwife. This was 2 years ago, almost to the day when I checked the book out from the library. I pushed the thought out of my mind as being practically impossible and continued on reading about home birth and natural family living instead. I also waited anxiously for my husband to return from his first deployment so we could start trying to get me knocked up.

Here I am two years later, waiting again for my husband to come home while I start midwifery school and hope to get pregnant when he comes home. Its amazing to see how far I have come and how some things never change lol.

I am going to start off with Ina May because I have been warned about the powers of Twilight. I believe several people have called it "literary crack." While I do not mind getting really sucked into a book, I think its pertinent to get sucked into a very good midwifery related book. Especially after just applying to midwifery school.

Still no word from Hubby. I guess my original thought of hearing from him on Monday is looking like a better possibility by the minute. I just wish the nightmares would not have started again.

Nervous

Sitting right next to me on my coffee table is an envelope with my midwifery school application and all my tuition checks. Its ready to be mailed tomorrow and I am so nervous I am shaking. I think the nerves come from the fact that I was not sure this was really going to happen. I had my hopes, but with the Army screwing up pay and having 1.5 months to come up with $500 it was not a for sure thing. Luckily I won $200 of the money and $100 was a gift. The rest came from the Army in the form of Hubby's pay.

Speaking of Hubby, I almost missed him on yahoo today. I have been on a cleaning and organizing frenzy for two days now and was attacking the spare room/office when he started IMing me. Luckily about 5 minutes after his initial IM, I decided to take a quick email checking break. He is out on mission and the places they keep stopping do not have phones for them to call out on, which sucks for us back home. He is hoping to call home sometime this weekend.

I am going out with my Mom tomorrow. Its becoming our thing to hang out every Friday. She has a player's club check from the casino and I have a gift card to the bookstore. I just have no idea what book I am gonna get. I was thinking of getting either Twilight or if its not uber expensive, the new Laurell K. Hamilton book. I wish tomorrow was payday, I could use a midwifery related book :)

Busy Bee

I was super busy today. I got so many things done and the day just flew by because of it. Here is what I did today:

* Baked Biscuits
* Baked 2 Loaves of White Whole Wheat Bread (I had White Whole Wheat King Arthur Flour)
* 5-6 Loads of Laundry
* Dishes
* Vacuumed Up Flour Mess (I knead on my dining room table)
* Wrote AAMI Tuition Checks
* Tae Bo
* Day 2 of 200 Sit-Ups Challenge
* Day 2 of 100 Push-Ups Challenge
* Studied
* Wrote Hubby 6 Page Letter (I didn't realize it was that long until I finished)
* Dinner in Crock pot by 11 am

I also danced around to music and talked to my stepson. I really feel like I accomplished a lot today. Oh and the reason the laundry load number is so large is because I unpacked a box of our clothes from when we moved to my old childhood home 6 months ago. The germaphobe in me had to rewash them because they had not been unpacked since then. They are mostly Hubby's clothes too. His side of the closet is now pretty much jammed full of clothes. He promises me that he will purge when he comes home.

I decided the other day that I need a crunchy/self-sufficient mentor. I need someone to come teach me how to can, make soaps, laundry detergent, how to sew, etc. I've learned a lot from reading certain books but, nothing beats someone showing you how to do something. I am hoping to brave the canning once Hubby comes home. I figure as long as another person is around I have less chance of royally screwing up and of being saved if SHTF lol. Of course, I still need to get canning equipment *sigh* maybe next year?

I am going to be planning my veggie garden over the next few days. I have been bombarded with seed catalogues lately and I really need to get down to it. I really want to grow potatoes this year. I just don't think I can spare an entire box to that. I would think they would need that much space to grow, maybe I am wrong. If I had a couple of old tires I would try that method. Or maybe I can use the container on my side porch. Choices, choices, what to do?

Letters From The Sandbox!

I got two letters from Hubby today. They were written several months ago. Yet, I cherish that he hang onto something he wrote me for that long. I teared up when I pulled the letters outta the box. I teared up some more when I read them and completely lost it when I realized that the letters smelled like him. After I finished reading them, I sat there for a few moments just taking some nice, deep breaths of my husband's scent. Its been oh so long.

The letters were sweet, short and to the point. In both the letters he got called away to do other things so he ended them. They both professed his love for me and how much he missed me. Most lovely was, he took the time in them to ask how I was doing. Even after his talking about how much it sucked over there. It meant so much to me, not a lot of people ask how I am doing. Well, besides my Mom that is.

I had a feeling they were coming today. I woke up thinking about his letters and that he had mailed them off already. I asked him about them this morning on Yahoo IM and he said he mailed them off and is working on another few to send. I was pretty stoked when I saw them in there.

I did not get to talk to Hubby for very long on the phone today. He said he was going to call me back after he got his name back on the list and I never did get a call back. I am assuming something came up or he waited for too long and got too tired to be coherent on the phone. I know he has a big meeting today and I have my fingers crossed that it goes well.

I am getting ready to mail my application and enrollment for into AAMI, like really ready this time. I hesitated because I am nervous. This is a very big step and big changes always unnerve me for a bit. I really wish Hubby was here in person to go through this with me. He wishes he was too, he told me that this morning. Anyway, I am starting to become more confident that I will be able to do this successfully and that is a very good thing.

Wish us luck!

Its Been One Of Those Days

I should have just stayed in bed today. My hormones have me feeling all mopey and weepy, though I cannot seem to squeeze any tears out. I had a really good dream last night and woke up feeling well rested. Its been a week since I had a deep enough sleep to have a dream, let alone something that vivid. Oh and for all my mind in the gutter readers, no, the dream was not erotic.

Right about now I want to go outside and scream at mother nature. Its snowing again and I really could deal with not seeing any more snow until next December. This is the Pacific Northwest for crying out loud! Its not a lot thankfully.

Hubby must be on a long ass mission cause I have not heard from him on the phone in a few days. I did get that one email though so I guess that is good. Now, if I could just get him to cut his spending down I think I would be even happier. *sigh* Its an ongoing battle, that I always seem to loose. That's another story that I will not go into on my public blog.

I think we have hit another wall during this deployment. December flew by so fast and I swear January is just dragging already. Today has really been the longest day for me in awhile. Its only nine p.m. and I feel like its much, much later. I hope that once AAMI starts in full swing that the time flies by much faster. I do not think I will stay sane if this is how its going to be for the rest of the deployment.

Well, I better go watch some mindless drivel of tv. At least until The Unit comes on ;)

Feeling Low

Aunt Flow is in town so I know that is the reason I am all emotional and feeling blah. I am really glad she is in town because this has made the shortest cycle I have had in AGES. Seriously, going from 45+ day cycles to 29 is exactly what I need and want. Now, I am not sure if its from the snow lighting up my room and basically causing a form of Lunaception or if its from all my working out. I would like to think its from my working out. Unfortunately, I have my doubts and am slightly convinced its a fluke. I am gonna try putting a night light on around the same cycle days and see what happens. I abhor sleeping with light in my room so this is gonna be very difficult. I am afraid not to do the night light route because I want to keep my cycles at this length, it means when/if Hubby and I decide to try again for kids that we will have more shots at it.

As of yesterday I have all my money together to enroll in AAMI, its in a nice neat money order sitting in my wallet. Now, I just need to finish filling out the application and talk to the Director again. I am super freaking nervous, as I have stated over and over again. Several family members assure me that I am going to do awesomely and I wish that was enough to convince me of that fact. I think once I start doing the work and am satisfied with it, then I will be convinced.

I played around with the new yarn I got for the holidays. Its acrylic so it feels really weird to me, considering what I was knitting with before. I tried again (seriously like 10th time) to get a hang of this scarf pattern and its just driving me insane. I cannot get it to work for me and I feel like an even bigger moron. It keeps looking bunched up and nothing like the picture. So, I quit and will try a different scarf pattern later.

Hubby emailed me at 1 am this morning. It went to my hotmail account because I had emailed him a link to my midwifery book wish list. He is out on mission and all the places they have been hitting don't have freaking phones grrrr. I have no idea when I will hear from him again, as usual and I really need to hear from him. When I am grouchy like this, he is the one who calms me down and gets me thinking positive again.

I have been trying to get into a good mood myself all day and its just not working. I feel like this day is just dragging by and I really wish I could just go to bed. I would take a nap if I was not afraid of it aggravating my insomnia. Maybe I will put some music on while I fold laundry and see if that helps?