Imagine Something Witty Is Here

Today has been a really emotional day. I had the first meeting with the new counselor today and, *sigh* she is odd to say the least. While I understand the need to talk about my childhood to get clues about what is going on in my life now, I just don't think that going back to my birth this late in the game is going to work well. I do not feel comfortable calling up my Mom's GYN and asking for the records of my birth, etc. She handed me a questionnaire about my development and it was asking questions about me at 6 months, how my parents kept me safe, etc. My Mom read it when she was here and said to me "I don't remember half this stuff myself, especially after your sisters and 20+ years later."

I spent most of the session crying and not dealing with the problems I am experiencing now. Not to mention that she did not retrieve me from the table in a corner of her house until 15 minutes after my appointment was supposed to start and only spent 35 minutes with me. During the session she showed me some technique to beat the shit out of a pillow with a tennis racket, because you know I was so angry as a kid and like once every six months to a year I feel like that again. Oh and at the end of the session she asked if I wanted a hug *blink*

I made another appointment with her and am debating whether or not to attend it next week. I really want to talk to Hubby about it because my entire family thinks she is some type of extreme fruit cake. My Mom told me "can you find someone from this planet?" I find it funny that this woman is out of my comfort zone considering all the things I am into and research. I don't know what to do. I only have five more sessions available to me with this woman. I am pretty confused.

After all that I had my Thermography appointment in which they torture you by making you freeze your ass off. I guess that is a good trade off over having my breast smashed during a mammogram. I will not get the results for at least 2 weeks, hopefully sooner since the doctor put in a rush. She knows how paranoid I am but, I really think its because she noticed something wrong. She gave off a worried vibe and now I am going to torture myself by feeling myself up a lot, lol, as well as looking at images of thermographs.

I have not heard from Hubby in 3.5 days, I previously thought four days and was proven wrong after looking at my phone today. The news announced today that his brigade was in fact already in Iraq which was news to me because I have not heard anything at all. I was pretty upset that I didn't get a call today considering this is probably the biggest medical thing of my life. I am even more paranoid because as I have mentioned before my Grandmother died of breast cancer. I am mentally preparing for the worst but, I am hoping for the best.

Well, I have lost my train of thought now and I guess that is the end of this blog.