Nightmares

I forgot how bad my nightmares can get on deployments. Last night I had a very bad nightmare. It started out with me running for my life with a baby in my arms. We had to escape the insurgents or they were going to torture us. I did not escape, I was captured. I have no idea what happened to my baby, because after the running with the baby I don't remember "seeing" him again. After being captured I was tortured and I am not going to go into detail about how I was tortured either. Then, after torture I was shot. I was shot in the ankle and when I started limping away in fear I woke up.

This dream occurred after me trying to fall asleep for three and a half hours. I got maybe five hours of sleep last night and am praying to the Goddess that I actually get some sleep tonight. I woke up this morning really paranoid that something had happened to Hubby, especially since I had not heard from him for another four days. I was afraid he would wait until this weekend to call.

Luckily he called this afternoon, totally out of the blue. I missed his first call because I was vacuuming and blaring music. I did not get to my phone in time when it started ringing. He called back after leaving a quick message and we got to talk for close to thirty minutes. It was a very emotional phone call. I did a lot of blubbering that I did not intend to do. I think I was just tapped out from the dream and needed to cry to him. I hope he was okay with it. I always feel like I am letting him down when I cry, that I am weak. I know he does not think that but, its how I FEEL.

I just have to keep repeating to myself that "this will all be over soon."