Worried

Hubby called today and it was a really hard conversation. At one point we got into a huge fight and said he would call back then, he hung up on me. Upon which I burst into uncontrollable tears and felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. I hate when things get so horrible in our lives that we take them out on each other.

Hubby called back probably five minutes later very sorry and apologizing profusely to me. Things are super tough over there right now, even more than the were last deployment. He sounds very worried, stressed and completely exhausted. I am a bit worried about how he is doing because he cannot tell me everything. I think we will have some work to do when he comes home to help him process this latest deployment.

I have a lot of ideas going through my head on how I can help him right now. I just need a bunch of ziploc bags for all the things I am going to bake him. Also, if anybody who reads this wants to help me out send me an email. I could use things to go in boxes like jerky, red bull, little games, snacks, baked goodies, etc. I am also trying to help out some of the single soldiers who don't really get many boxes from family. Us wives tend to send out more stuff than say parents or other relatives. It costs $11 per package to ship it to Iraq. Just thought I would put the call out and see what happens.

I have been thinking a lot lately about starting my midwifery training. I have emailed Carla Hartley of Ancient Arts Midwifery Institute before about attending and the military discount before. I am just so nervous to do it now. I want to attend so badly I can taste it. My dream is to work with military families and help them have the birth they might not be able to because of insurance. I want the crunchier military families to realize they have options and to not feel as defeated as I have when trying to find someone to work with them. I am just afraid that she is gonna feel upset because I kinda blew her off last time we talked because I was not comfortable sending in post dated checks and used the money we had allocated for the school to help out my parents.

Well, in the course of writing this I just emailed her. So we will see what happens. I am dying to do this and am even considering trying to apply for a credit card or personal loan to do it. I am also thinking of contacting some military resources to see what there ideas are to help out.

I cannot wait to see what happens next in our lives. I am excited, nervous and totally hopeful.