I Will Not Give Up!

I have spent a lot of my life running away from my problems. Its the reason I had been to six different schools in grades K-12 despite living in the same house my K-12 years. In my defense though I was harassed through pretty much all my schooling and physically assaulted a few of those years as well. However, its a habit that is still with me. Its a bit under the surface now, but I do have the tendency to quit things when they get to be too much.

I leave this habit behind starting today. I refuse to go back to the person I used to be. I have spent the last almost four months busting my ass to change who I am, to grow, to learn and I will not loose that progress. I am going to keep moving forward in my life.

Things will be better, I refuse to believe otherwise. Yeah, life more than partially sucks because I do not have Hubby here with me. However, I refuse to spend this deployment not doing anything with myself. Going back to school to follow my dream of being a midwife is not only going to help me achieve my ultimate goal, its going to help me stay sane during the final months of the deployment. It may also quite possibly drive me insane once my Hubby is around pestering me about doing school work lol.

My family knows how stubborn I am. I can "cut off my nose to spite my face," if I set my mind to it. Or so my Mom has told me on more than one occasion. Keeping that in mind, realize how serious I am when I say that I refuse to give up.

I am not saying that I won't have my moments where I won't fall back into old patterns. Quite the contrary, what I am saying is that I am going to make my determination, my optimism and this pattern of growth, part of my new habits.

I have been through a lot of crap in the last, almost four years alone. Live my life and see if you could be even remotely sane at this point. Every single moment has been worth it. I would not take back a single moment because it would change who I am becoming today. One of my new favorite quotes sums up things for me pretty nicely:

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

That's where I am at in my life right now. Before Hubby, before the deployments, I never knew just how strong I really was. I always saw myself as weak and I had plenty of reinforcing on seeing myself that way. However, now I know that I am strong. I am not weak. I am far from it.

Its a new year and a growing me. Care to join me on this journey and see where I end up?