15 August 2011

Raising My Vibration: Day 6

Day 6. I am "free" to.... Write a story, could be a vision of something you would like to create for yourself.

This is the example that I have to work with from Lillian Gaffney's site. The first thing that pops into my head after reading it is "I am free to be me." I spend so much time worrying what others think, putting other people first, that I pretty much always loose myself. This has to stop.

Last week Aaron proposed to me. I, of course said yes! However, it brought back some of the memories I had of my first marriage and how long it took me to recover from it....actually, I am still recovering a bit. I realized that I had lost myself in my last marriage. I was so committed to being the best wife ever, to doing anything and everything for my husband, that I put all of my dreams on the back burner.

I now know that in order to have a successful marriage, both parties have to be able to be themselves. They both need to be able to achieve the dreams that they want to, achieve dreams together, etc. I am feeling myself more than slip back into the position of loosing myself and I need to stop.

I already know that I have let myself go quite a bit, in terms of my health. I eat like crap, I don't work out, I still smoke, drink loads of caffeine, etc, With our wedding a little over a year away, I need to get myself back on track. I want to look and feel amazing on my wedding day. I don't want to get the photos back and end up crying because I look huge.

I've decided to make a plan of sorts. Planning things out is what I do, much to Aaron's chagrin. He's a fly by the seat of his pants type of person and I plan...a lot. This week will be my last week of eating lots of crap. Starting next Sunday, I will give myself a cheat day and the rest will be spent trying to eat a bit healthier, especially at work. I tend to completely skip eating while I am at work. I also need to increase my water intake, getting a bigger water bottle like the Klean Kanteen will definitely help. I also need to remember to take my supplements. I am so bad at that, guess I will just have to set an alarm on my phone to remind me.

The working out thing is difficult. I think the reason that I had so much success loosing the almost 40 pounds, a couple of years ago is because I was home....alone in a duplex, not an apartment. I hate having other people around when I work out. It embarrasses me for some reason. Not to mention my crazy work schedule. I have got to get over that. OTOH, I really wish Aaron would just go on a walk or outside for 30 minutes so that I could get my workouts in without feeling like a total freak.

I have got to be me. The person that would give anything to be a midwife, a mother, a wife, a neo-homesteader, "dirty hippie" as my sisters calls me, a do-it-yourself-er, etc. I want to grow and preserve my own food, I want to help women trust their bodies and realize that they can birth babies without interference, I want a house with land so that my children can run around as much as they want, I want chickens, goats and horses. I want to homeschool my children because nobody will know them as well as I do. I want what I want and I am tired of having to defend who I am.

I am going to be ME and nobody is going to stop me from that anymore.

Well, I didn't exactly write a story like the prompt says, but oh well.

01 August 2011

Raising My Vibration: Day 5

Today's post will talk about my plan on how to encourage others tomorrow. I seem to be the most effective at encouraging others at work, Aaron tends to roll his eyes at me and give the "yea, sure babe" look.

This comes at a great time because I am just finishing up training our part time shift at work. Tomorrow is her first day doing it all alone, well for the actual closing part since I am off around 10:30pm and we close at midnight.

I basically just plan to build her up a bit more. She is actually quite good so far and I am very pleased with the progress that she has made in her 2ish weeks of working for the company.

One of my cashiers has been going through a rough patch, attitude wise, lately. Its very concerning because he's usually a very positive person and always trying to lend an ear to all of us who need to vent. I really need to start building him up more, encouraging him and giving him tasks that are different from his norm. I think once he gets a little more mature (he just turned 20), that he would make a great closing manager.

I am all about positive reinforcement. Nobody likes to hear all the time how much they suck and its not a very good motivator, in my opinion. I think by breathing a lot more positivity into the workplace, that the morale of the store will go up and that we won't have as many days where we all seem to just be blah.

I guess we will find out how all of this goes by the end of this little blogging experiment.