27 January 2009
I will be finding out how much I weigh in a little over two weeks. I have an appointment with my Naturopath on the sixth and am very excited for it. I love my doctor, she is seriously the best one I have EVER had. I am really hoping that I have lost fifteen pounds. However, knowing my luck its closer to five because I am sure I have gained muscle as well.
I was talking to Hubby about all of this the other day and he told me he would be upset if the motivation behind all of this weight loss is just him. He told me that I need to do this 99% for myself and getting pregnant. While he thinks it great that I can use him coming home as a focus, he wants to make sure I am doing this for the right reasons. I guess the fact that I want to whoop him at the sit-ups and push-ups challenge is not a good enough reason lol.
Just last week I had to quit working out for a few days because I tweaked my back doing...something. I think I need a proper office chair because that's when it started hurting, sitting at my desk on one of the dining room chairs. Thankfully Biofreeze the past couple of days has helped it to loosen up enough to be able to crack it really well on my own. I honestly did not know how important it was to my overall sense of well being to work out. I was so very grouchy and blah those five days I did not work out. I went mall walking (strictly on accident since Mom and I got lost) and that did not help my mood or my back.
Luckily, with that break I am back to kicking ass at Tae Bo basic and hopefully I am pushing past this plateau I am on. I might be adding in Pilates every day to help trim off some inches from my butt and sides. I am not entirely sure yet. I have some thoughts on what to do in the house for working out. I just wish the weather would warm up so I could get out and garden. Must remove the evergreen trees from the side of the house.
Ooops, now that I am ranting I better get back to studying.
25 January 2009
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? I became a Doula.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I really made any. I did start my getting healthy kick towards the end, so maybe I kept one.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes! De had Nyssa in April 2008.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Nobody close to me died.
5. What countries did you visit? Zilch.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A baby, health, my husband to be home a whole year.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 18th 2008. Its the day Billy officially deployed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Not killing anybody? LOL
9. What was your biggest failure? Becoming a hermit again.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I think I was less sick in 2008 than in previous yeas.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Books! Nah, paying to become an ALACE doula.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I think mine and Hubby's behavior did. We really worked at things last year and are continuing to do so.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Definitely not saying.
14. Where did most of your money go? Gas and food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to midwifery school, even if I paid for it in 2009.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Far Away by Nickelback.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier I am sure.
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer, thanks to the 3.9% pay increase for the military and deployment pay.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Gone outside more and spent more time with people. Oh and of course working out.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Hiding.
20. How will you be spending the Winter? Studying.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008? All over again. With my dear husband! <---same here.
23. What was your favorite month of 2008? April was pretty good.
24. What was your favorite TV program? I didn't watch a whole lot of tv.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope.
26. What was the best book you read? Lover Enshrined was awesome.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Uh, that song for Nike Air was good.
28. What did you want and get? The ALACE program.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Business of Being Born was great. I think my all time favorite last year was The Dark Knight.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I said goodbye again to my Hubby that afternoon. Then, spent the rest of the day crying. I turned 24.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? To pay down more on one particular debt of Hubby's.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? T-shirt and jeans. I have no sense of fashion lol.
33. What kept you sane? Friends and Hubby.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Barack Obama. Robert Pattinson also caught my eye. I can't wait to finally see Twilight now that I have read the book.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? Definitely the Election. I cried during his speech when he won and I cried some more when he was inaugurated.
36. Who did you miss? Hubby.
37. Who was the best new person you met? I am not sure. I didn't meet a whole lot of new people. I am too chicken.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
18 January 2009
We are both so ready for this deployment to end. Luckily, we have not had the problems we did last go around. In fact, I would say we have grown closer on this deployment. We just want to be together so badly. He was asking me the other day what I wanted to do when he got home. Every time he asks that my brain heads south, I can't help it. I seriously am contemplating just locking us in the house for like a week when he comes home.
I did a pretty serious amount of schoolwork today. I have no idea if any of it is good, its been so long. I am probably going to send one assignment to my friend for her to critique. She's about as anal as I am when it comes to how things are written. She will definitely be a good person to bounce things off of, if she does not mind :)
I have a lot of work to do tomorrow as well. I need to try and get farther in my one hour advanced Tae Bo *shudder* and get more school work done. I also need to organize my office space a little better and include some area to keep my emails from school. I am thinking of finally putting files on the middle shelf of my file box but, am concerned that they will not work well because of the miscellaneous items I have on the bottom. I guess I will find out. I am having a slight urge to hit Ikea and The Container Store. I must resist until Hubby comes home.
After he has been home awhile, I am putting him to work around the house. He needs to organize his junk. It takes up too much space. I have some interesting plans for our place and I need him to purge and downsize.
"It will all be over soon, it will all be over soon."
17 January 2009
2009 Friend Survey
1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:20 am
2. Diamonds or pearls? I don't own pearls and never worn them, so diamonds?
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Star Wars: Clone Wars
4. What is your favorite TV show? Supernatural
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Lately its been oatmeal, it depends on what I feel like eating.
6. What is your middle name? Anne
7. What food do you dislike? I am a pea hater.
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? A mixed CD full of romantic songs.
9. Whats your favorite car? Subaru Forester
10. Favorite sandwich ? Tuna is good.
11. What characteristic do you dislike? I really don't like ignorance.
12. Favorite item of clothing? Probably my Brad Paisley sweatshirt.
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?I would go to Ireland.
14. Favorite brand of clothing? I haven't been shopping in so long, so Old Navy?
15. Where would you retire to? Somewhere here in WA, on the Western Side of the mountains.
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My 18th birthday. It was a great day and then it turned into one of the worst weekends of my life. My grandpa died 3 days later.
17. Favorite sport to watch? Football is pretty fun.
18. Furthest place you are sending this? Who knows lol.
19. First person you expect to respond? I don't expect anybody to respond.
20. When is your birthday? October 12th.
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning.
22. What is your shoe size? 8-8.5
23. Pets? My cat Salem, whom I have had since I was 13. My Dog Jax lives with my parents.
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I am finally enrolled in AAMI. If you have been reading my blog you would know that though.
25. What did you want to be when you were little ? I think it changed a lot.
26. How are you today? Tired and anxious.
27. What is your favorite candy? Chocolate is good.
28. What is your favorite flower? I have a few. Calla lilies are on the top though.
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? The end of this deployment!
30. What's your full name? Barbara Anne, not saying my last name lol.
31. What are you listening to right now? The cat scratching and liking herself.
32. What was the last thing you ate?Last night I had some ice cream.
33. Do you wish on stars? When I can see them.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Purple.
35. How is the weather right now? Cold. Still.
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? My Dad.
37. Favorite soft drink? Sprite.
38. Favorite restaurant? I don't have one.
39. Real hair color? Dirty blond.
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? I don't know. Probably the football my Dad gave me.
41. Summer or winter? I prefer Spring and Fall. Better temperatures ;) <----Same here.
42. Hugs or kisses ? Kisses.
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Depends.
44. Coffee or tea? Coffee
45. Do you want your friends to email you back? When I email them yeah.
46. When was the last time you cried? Sometime earlier this week.
47. What is under your bed? A baseball bat, leftover wrapping paper, and some other things.
48. What did you do last night? Got stuck at the casino since my Mom forgot to turn off the headlights to my car. Then, came home and unloaded my massive quantity of groceries.
49. What are you afraid of? Heights, failure, Hubby dying.
50. Salty or sweet? Both.
51. How many keys on your key ring? Quite a few. They are not next to me so I cannot count them.
52. How many years at your current job? I have been a homemaker for...3 years now.
53. Favorite day of the week? Friday's are good.
54. How many towns have you lived in? 4
55. Do you make friends easily? Not in the slightest. Its one of the more difficult things for me.
15 January 2009
I leave this habit behind starting today. I refuse to go back to the person I used to be. I have spent the last almost four months busting my ass to change who I am, to grow, to learn and I will not loose that progress. I am going to keep moving forward in my life.
Things will be better, I refuse to believe otherwise. Yeah, life more than partially sucks because I do not have Hubby here with me. However, I refuse to spend this deployment not doing anything with myself. Going back to school to follow my dream of being a midwife is not only going to help me achieve my ultimate goal, its going to help me stay sane during the final months of the deployment. It may also quite possibly drive me insane once my Hubby is around pestering me about doing school work lol.
My family knows how stubborn I am. I can "cut off my nose to spite my face," if I set my mind to it. Or so my Mom has told me on more than one occasion. Keeping that in mind, realize how serious I am when I say that I refuse to give up.
I am not saying that I won't have my moments where I won't fall back into old patterns. Quite the contrary, what I am saying is that I am going to make my determination, my optimism and this pattern of growth, part of my new habits.
I have been through a lot of crap in the last, almost four years alone. Live my life and see if you could be even remotely sane at this point. Every single moment has been worth it. I would not take back a single moment because it would change who I am becoming today. One of my new favorite quotes sums up things for me pretty nicely:
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."That's where I am at in my life right now. Before Hubby, before the deployments, I never knew just how strong I really was. I always saw myself as weak and I had plenty of reinforcing on seeing myself that way. However, now I know that I am strong. I am not weak. I am far from it.
Its a new year and a growing me. Care to join me on this journey and see where I end up?
14 January 2009
I stayed up entirely too late last night finishing off Twilight. The people that call that book "literary crack" was dead on. I could not put the book down, even when I realized it was close to 3 hours past my usual bedtime. Even after a workout this morning I feel like a complete zombie. So much so that my left eye keeps twitching involuntarily, which is rather annoying.
My Mom is coming over tomorrow to spend the night. She wants to go to the Casino on one of the nights that they have drawings and such. I better wash the pillow the cat sleeps on or my Mom is gonna wake up all puffy eyed. She is slightly allergic to cats and cannot get cat hair in her eyes or she looks like she has been smoking something she shouldn't. She is also taking me grocery shopping on base. One of these days I am going to start driving again *sigh*
Speaking of driving, I still have not received our Forester. Hubby keeps getting told that its coming and it just never shows up. Supposedly his buddy will be bringing it up on leave sometime within the month. If he does not, he faces military action against him for fraud. I guess its a good thing that we have not started making payments on it, since those are deferred until the deployment ends. If there even IS a Forester. We are both in the "believe it when we see it stage" of this car buying situation.
Hubby is having a very tough time right now. So much so that I cannot really go into it on my public blog. Right now, he has an injured knee. Its in a brace and he is in a lot of pain. He is not allowed out on mission at this moment cause he would just be cannon fodder if they had to dismount. The good thing about this is that I got to talk to him for several hours over different time periods yesterday. It was on Yahoo messenger but, it was still nice. The best part was that I got to see him on webcam! Its been three months since I have seen his face. Even better, is he tells me that he now weighs more than I do! Hubby is definitely bulking up, I can see it and I like it.
I can tell that things are going to go very well this year. I just have an amazing feeling about everything. Soon enough this deployment will end and I will have my Hubby back. We can get on with the part of our lives where he is home. Hopefully, he will not have another deployment for two years instead of just nine to ten months between.
Right now, all is well.
09 January 2009
I totally scored thanks to the $25 gift card I got for my birthday back in October (thanks Grammie!) and I picked up Ina May's Guide To Childbirth and Twilight. Thanks to a 20% off coupon I only had to pay $1.80, totally worth it. I am so very excited to read Ina May's book. Spiritual Midwifery changed my life and set me on the path that I am now walking. While reading that I entertained ideas of becoming a midwife. This was 2 years ago, almost to the day when I checked the book out from the library. I pushed the thought out of my mind as being practically impossible and continued on reading about home birth and natural family living instead. I also waited anxiously for my husband to return from his first deployment so we could start trying to get me knocked up.
Here I am two years later, waiting again for my husband to come home while I start midwifery school and hope to get pregnant when he comes home. Its amazing to see how far I have come and how some things never change lol.
I am going to start off with Ina May because I have been warned about the powers of Twilight. I believe several people have called it "literary crack." While I do not mind getting really sucked into a book, I think its pertinent to get sucked into a very good midwifery related book. Especially after just applying to midwifery school.
Still no word from Hubby. I guess my original thought of hearing from him on Monday is looking like a better possibility by the minute. I just wish the nightmares would not have started again.
08 January 2009
Speaking of Hubby, I almost missed him on yahoo today. I have been on a cleaning and organizing frenzy for two days now and was attacking the spare room/office when he started IMing me. Luckily about 5 minutes after his initial IM, I decided to take a quick email checking break. He is out on mission and the places they keep stopping do not have phones for them to call out on, which sucks for us back home. He is hoping to call home sometime this weekend.
I am going out with my Mom tomorrow. Its becoming our thing to hang out every Friday. She has a player's club check from the casino and I have a gift card to the bookstore. I just have no idea what book I am gonna get. I was thinking of getting either Twilight or if its not uber expensive, the new Laurell K. Hamilton book. I wish tomorrow was payday, I could use a midwifery related book :)
07 January 2009
* Baked Biscuits
* Baked 2 Loaves of White Whole Wheat Bread (I had White Whole Wheat King Arthur Flour)
* 5-6 Loads of Laundry
* Vacuumed Up Flour Mess (I knead on my dining room table)
* Wrote AAMI Tuition Checks
* Tae Bo
* Day 2 of 200 Sit-Ups Challenge
* Day 2 of 100 Push-Ups Challenge
* Wrote Hubby 6 Page Letter (I didn't realize it was that long until I finished)
* Dinner in Crock pot by 11 am
I also danced around to music and talked to my stepson. I really feel like I accomplished a lot today. Oh and the reason the laundry load number is so large is because I unpacked a box of our clothes from when we moved to my old childhood home 6 months ago. The germaphobe in me had to rewash them because they had not been unpacked since then. They are mostly Hubby's clothes too. His side of the closet is now pretty much jammed full of clothes. He promises me that he will purge when he comes home.
I decided the other day that I need a crunchy/self-sufficient mentor. I need someone to come teach me how to can, make soaps, laundry detergent, how to sew, etc. I've learned a lot from reading certain books but, nothing beats someone showing you how to do something. I am hoping to brave the canning once Hubby comes home. I figure as long as another person is around I have less chance of royally screwing up and of being saved if SHTF lol. Of course, I still need to get canning equipment *sigh* maybe next year?
I am going to be planning my veggie garden over the next few days. I have been bombarded with seed catalogues lately and I really need to get down to it. I really want to grow potatoes this year. I just don't think I can spare an entire box to that. I would think they would need that much space to grow, maybe I am wrong. If I had a couple of old tires I would try that method. Or maybe I can use the container on my side porch. Choices, choices, what to do?
05 January 2009
The letters were sweet, short and to the point. In both the letters he got called away to do other things so he ended them. They both professed his love for me and how much he missed me. Most lovely was, he took the time in them to ask how I was doing. Even after his talking about how much it sucked over there. It meant so much to me, not a lot of people ask how I am doing. Well, besides my Mom that is.
I had a feeling they were coming today. I woke up thinking about his letters and that he had mailed them off already. I asked him about them this morning on Yahoo IM and he said he mailed them off and is working on another few to send. I was pretty stoked when I saw them in there.
I did not get to talk to Hubby for very long on the phone today. He said he was going to call me back after he got his name back on the list and I never did get a call back. I am assuming something came up or he waited for too long and got too tired to be coherent on the phone. I know he has a big meeting today and I have my fingers crossed that it goes well.
I am getting ready to mail my application and enrollment for into AAMI, like really ready this time. I hesitated because I am nervous. This is a very big step and big changes always unnerve me for a bit. I really wish Hubby was here in person to go through this with me. He wishes he was too, he told me that this morning. Anyway, I am starting to become more confident that I will be able to do this successfully and that is a very good thing.
Wish us luck!
04 January 2009
Right about now I want to go outside and scream at mother nature. Its snowing again and I really could deal with not seeing any more snow until next December. This is the Pacific Northwest for crying out loud! Its not a lot thankfully.
Hubby must be on a long ass mission cause I have not heard from him on the phone in a few days. I did get that one email though so I guess that is good. Now, if I could just get him to cut his spending down I think I would be even happier. *sigh* Its an ongoing battle, that I always seem to loose. That's another story that I will not go into on my public blog.
I think we have hit another wall during this deployment. December flew by so fast and I swear January is just dragging already. Today has really been the longest day for me in awhile. Its only nine p.m. and I feel like its much, much later. I hope that once AAMI starts in full swing that the time flies by much faster. I do not think I will stay sane if this is how its going to be for the rest of the deployment.
Well, I better go watch some mindless drivel of tv. At least until The Unit comes on ;)
03 January 2009
As of yesterday I have all my money together to enroll in AAMI, its in a nice neat money order sitting in my wallet. Now, I just need to finish filling out the application and talk to the Director again. I am super freaking nervous, as I have stated over and over again. Several family members assure me that I am going to do awesomely and I wish that was enough to convince me of that fact. I think once I start doing the work and am satisfied with it, then I will be convinced.
I played around with the new yarn I got for the holidays. Its acrylic so it feels really weird to me, considering what I was knitting with before. I tried again (seriously like 10th time) to get a hang of this scarf pattern and its just driving me insane. I cannot get it to work for me and I feel like an even bigger moron. It keeps looking bunched up and nothing like the picture. So, I quit and will try a different scarf pattern later.
Hubby emailed me at 1 am this morning. It went to my hotmail account because I had emailed him a link to my midwifery book wish list. He is out on mission and all the places they have been hitting don't have freaking phones grrrr. I have no idea when I will hear from him again, as usual and I really need to hear from him. When I am grouchy like this, he is the one who calms me down and gets me thinking positive again.
I have been trying to get into a good mood myself all day and its just not working. I feel like this day is just dragging by and I really wish I could just go to bed. I would take a nap if I was not afraid of it aggravating my insomnia. Maybe I will put some music on while I fold laundry and see if that helps?
01 January 2009
As always and like a lot of people out there I am trying to loose weight. Its not all about loosing weight either, its about overall health. I need to get my cycles shorter, 45 days is just too much and not "natural," I am hoping loosing weight and working out will shorten them. Working out almost every day has fought off some serious bouts of depression, which I am so thankful for. My big goal is to be 135 pounds by the time Hubby comes home. I have no idea what my current weight is, only that a few months ago I weighed in at 170. I have lost weight, my arms and legs are thinner. Certain parts of my stomach are smaller but, my jeans still basically fit the same. Tops are looser though, why do I always have to loose weight in the girls, how is that fair? My face is thinner according to my Naturopath, well the last time she saw me anyway. I just hope to be down a pants size soon, that would be nice.
I am trying to be a more optimistic person, its going okay. I will admit I have my grouch moments, but for the most part I am pretty optimistic. I really think that writting down affirmations every day is helping. It keeps me focused on the more positive things in life. It gives me something to hone in on.
In terms of growing my brain, I am enrolling in midwifery school by the end of the month. I am excited and extremely nervous. While Hubby assures me that I will be an amazing student and eventual midwife, I am still nervous. Its the unknown at this point and that always gets my emotions going a bit. I know its going to be a HUGE challenge to complete this course. I am going to have to make myself some sort of schedule otherwise my procrastination will get the best of me. I can't wait though.
I am hoping to finally learn to sew. Yeah, I have two machines that I won on Ebay last year. I played with one of them and got so frustrated at myself for not learning fast enough that I had to pack it back up before I broke it *bag* I can probably take a class at Jo-Ann's in the next town over, I just gotta get money and the nerve to go first.
I obviously have a lot planned for the next year. While I will look into the new year with hope, I will of course look at it with caution as well. I know there are going to be some bumps in the road and I also know that this year they are not going to be major. The family deserves a break.