31 July 2008

An Article About Hubby's Accident

Here Is A Copy Of The Article Hubby's Unit Did On His Accident:

Combined Arms Teamwork Saves Soldier’s Life Mortar Platoon, Echo Company Go ’Live’ with Warrior Tasks

Soldiers from the Mortar Platoon and
Echo Company, got some real life application
of several Warrior Tasks on the
.50 cal qualification range this week.

The first round down range exploded
in a weapon sending shrapnel inside a
HMMWV and into the legs of SPC
Miller. As Miller slumped inside, CPL
Truman realized something
was wrong.

“I heard the round go off and saw him
drop to his knees and wasn’t sure what
happened, but knew it wasn’t right,”
said Truman. CPL Shults was
near by and the two mortar NCOs immediately
executed the first of the Warrior
Tasks for the day, Evaluate a Casualty.

“It went just like we rehearse and
practice in training,” said Shults.
As he and Truman started treatment,
1LT Newell, the Mortar Platoon
Leader, drafted and called in the 9-line
medevac request; two more tasks.

PFC Nielsen, a combat
engineer, kept Miller calm through the
ordeal. “It was a messed [sic] up situa-
tion,” Nielsen said, but he also said that
the teamwork made it turn out well.

At the center of that team was SPC
Millsap, an engineer and civilian
EMT from E Co, who took over treatment.
“Everyone was great. There was
no rank . . . everyone just did what
needed to be done,” said Millsap.
As treatment continued, mortarmen
SSG Pellegrino and Truman set up
the landing zone for the medevac pilots,
yet another task.

Miller said he was glad to provide the
opportunity to complete so many PTAT
required tasks, but declined to act as a
training aid for future training events.

SGT Pellegrino is the SGT some of you have heard me complain about, a lot. I may not like him most days but I am forever grateful that he was there when Hubby got hurt. Hubby told him not to call me about the accident and he apologized for actually listening to him because he found out how angry I was about no phone call.

Hubby continues to brush this accident off like it is no big deal here are some pictures to show how big of a deal it really was:

All Those Specks You See Are The Tinier Pieces Of Brass Shrapnel That Went Into His Legs

The White Is The Damage The Explosion Caused
Notice The Paint Chipped On The Tube Looking Thing

Hubby On The Stretcher
Hubby Being Med Evac-ed

The Damage To His Legs, Several Days Later.
I apologize for the crotch shot, only way to see it all.

28 July 2008

Just Thinking

I was thinking a few minutes ago about whether or not my blog is something even worth reading. Its not like I am unique or am sharing all these powerful insights. I guess if it doesn't do that, at least it will serve as a record for what deployments are like for me.

I am starting to hate how I am always all up in my head. All I ever do is think and sometimes I think so much that I will wake myself up from a deep sleep. Its a bit annoying sometimes. I guess its just part of who I am and I can't change it. I guess I will have to learn to control it. I used to know how but, lately I have forgotten how to minimize it.

I have a multitude of things to work on while Hubby is deployed. I hope I don't take as long to start them as I did most things during the last deployment. I really want to get to a healthier weight, and part of that is sucking it up and just doing it. Regardless of my motivation, I need to work out. I have recently hit the weight I was my senior year of high school and I am not pleased at all. It really hurt to see that number on the scale.

I will be working on my doula business as well during this deployment. I was hoping to start attending the Ancient Arts Midwifery Institute but, it doesn't look like that is in the cards for at least another year or two. Its okay, I can use the time in between then to get the materials I may need and such.

Also, I will be decorating our new house and unpacking everything. I want to try and purge things that we don't really need. I was thinking we could hold a garage sale next summer or even craigslist or freecycle the others. We have so many things that we don't really need, mostly cause we don't use them. I figured I would put things in a box or several and if I don't need or use them before Hubby comes home than I can go ahead and purge them. One of my biggest fears with doing a giant purge is getting rid of something it turns out I needed.

When I was talking to Hubby earlier, I told him how I wanted to try and be even more green friendly and natural. He agreed but, stated that some things were really hard for him. Which is totally understandable, he comes from a family that eats things out of cans and boxes, nothing truly fresh. Whereas I grew up watching my Mom cook a bunch from scratch and we always had fruit and veggies. It wasn't until later that more things came from cans and boxes.

I explained to him that its really important to me to do things differently from our parents. That I especially needed to find my own identity separate from my toxic family. The decisions I have made for our family is inline with finding that separate identity. Its not like I just woke up one day and made these decisions, I researched them first. I researched a lot. I even sent him links so its not like he was completely in the dark.

The way I am and the way I strive to be is practically a 180 from how my family is. I am happy with it and at times it is rather lonely being the only outsider in a family. One would think I was used to it by now but, I am not. I need to find the strength to minimize contact with my family and I think that will become easier once I move.

Well, now that this has turned into an incoherent mess I should probably stop typing and get over my insecurities of whether or not this blog sucks and just post it. Here it goes, wish me luck.

27 July 2008

I Can't Wait

You probably wouldn't know it but, I am a very impatient person. Funny how I fell in love with someone in the Army. I guess the universe thought this was a good way to teach me patience. Its a hard lesson cause these are long times I have to wait.

Anyway, in about 10 days Hubby gets to come home on block leave before heading to the MOB station to do mission specific training. While he is home we are probably gonna head out to go camping. We are thinking of heading here http://www.parks.wa.gov/parkpage.asp?selectedpark=Schafer&pageno=1

Its near the area that I am hoping we can buy land one day so, I think it would be great to go camping out there. We get to take Jax with us, which should be interesting because its been over 3 years since we've gone camping. I know one of the things we need to do before we go is get the dog a longer leash. The one we have now is a borrowed one and its too short for such a big dog. We are lucky that he goes into the car pretty well and rarely moves around other than to change position, otherwise it would be an interesting ride.

On Sunday the 10th, I am hoping to attend a service here: gaiastemple.org
I am hoping to find a place to go every once in awhile that resonates with me spiritually. I can do a lot of things at home but, I tend to long for the community events as well. I always seem to have trouble finding non crazy like minded people when I search on the internet, maybe its one of those like attracts like things? Who knows.

I am sure the time will go by fast, just like it always does. At least I know we will get to have a good time and that we will be able to spend it mostly alone together.

25 July 2008


I don't understand why we fight so much during AT, MOB and deployments. Is it really so difficult for him to talk with me on the phone? I am tired of hearing the conversations in the background when I should be discussing things, anything with him. I also don't like how he snaps at me when I get upset that he is doing things he shouldn't while injured.

He keeps talking about how he is going stir crazy and bored. Oh, I am sorry, I am too boring for you? Way to make me feel like shit honey, its not like you are ever going to read this anyway, despite how many invites I have sent to you about this blog. You can send myspace messages to people but, you can't even check out this, a record of what its like for me?

My life seems to be filled with so much negativity lately and I am really sick of it. Things were going so well before he left, I was even starting to feel better yesterday and BAM! Its back to the negative black hole. I really just need to get into a space of my own, away from the people I live with. I am too much of a control freak to have roommates that are nothing like me. Plus, it will be easier to carve out quiet time to start meditating again.

Sorry if this is a depressing entry but, I will have lots of these throughout the deployment. Its just part of the way things go on a deployment. I keep in things so much and then they blow out, usually on paper. Since I don't have a journal unpacked, its time to blog.

Okay, here is me trying to go back to being positive:

I know things will get better once I move. I can have things the way I like them, concentrate on my health, my family and my work.

I know that my husband loves me dearly, despite his assholishness right now. He tells me daily that I am his beautiful goddess and that he doesn't know what he would do without me in his life. I know that I love him dearly and I tell him every single day. I too, do not know where I would be without him in my life.

I am just going to concentrate on my goals and keep those in sight during this next year. That should keep me somewhat sane, right?

24 July 2008

Good News, Bad News

Hubby starts off a conversation today with that, my heart drops. I am always expecting the worst, I should no better with him. I tell him to give me the bad news first, "I am not part of the advance team to the MOB station anymore." Um okay, what's the good news? "I get to be home with you for an extra day!" If this is the worst bad new, good news scenario I have to deal with the entire deployment, I think I will be good to go.

While I was looking forward to him starting his active duty orders a day sooner, I think the trade-off of having him home an extra day is worth it. We are trying to go camping so that we can have a nice sky to watch the Perseids Meteor Shower the 11-13th of August. I am really hoping it happens because, I would love to spend some very quiet alone time with Hubby.

We are both hoping he is part of the advance team to Kuwait though. Even his 1SGT (first sargent) is pushing for it. It looks really good on his record if he can volunteer and looks even better if he gets to go. Its really important that he keeps these things up, it helps his chances of being promoted to SGT. Which we could REALLY use, because he earns $200 more in basic pay and another $100 more in housing money.

Our goals this deployment are pretty much the same as always, save, save, save and keep debt free. We have 2 things left to pay off, one is all his, and then we should be set. Our plan is to have it all paid off in the next 5 years, sooner if things start going according to plan.

One of the things that might through this all for a loop is my car. Its not doing well, at all. Its 24 years old, has about 170k miles on it and Honda has stopped making some of the parts for it. Its probably going to kick the bucket soon. If it could just last through this whole deployment, then I will probably have enough saved up for a very large down payment or a payment in full for a newer car.

I have a really good feeling about this deployment. I am still nervous as hell and will probably be convinced bad things are going to happen but, I have faith that we will get closer to, if not achieve a bunch of our goals this next deployment.

22 July 2008

Scary Things

Yesterday was full of scary things. Hubby called me and apologized for not calling the night before. He explained that he was doing night fire and while he was shooting the 50 Cal, it backfired on him essentially. He fell from the turret into the humvee, tried to pull himself back up and fell again. As he was crawling with his arms to the door, because he could not feel his legs, he was pulled out by a medic. He immediately noticed his legs bleeding and began screaming he saw blood. He was airlifted from YTC to Yakima Memorial Hospital where they had to put him under to remove the shrapnel from his legs.

During all of this he went into shock three separate times because all he could think about was me and our future children. About 15 minutes after the backfire Hubby read a text message I had sent him earlier saying "I love you so much and can't imagine what my life would be like without you in it." He told me that he began basically bawling after that.

If a certain piece hadn't been in place when Hubby fired, he would not be alive. The Gods were protecting him for me yet again and I cannot thank them enough. He's lucky the blast wasn't worse or higher up, he might have lost some vital things. Right now he has basically a lot of sand-like shrapnel in his legs and his body has to expel them naturally. His legs are mighty swollen and he is a lot of pain but, the important thing is he is alive.

After a morning full of that my sister and her DBF got into it so bad that my sister forgot to keep her dog in the room and our dogs went at it. It took four guys throwing punches to get her pit bull off my dog's throat. I don't know which dog started it but, as usual my dog was blamed. Jax has never had an aggressive bone in his body until her UNFIXED pit basically hit puberty. My dog now has a hole right where part of his ear attaches to his head. He has so much fur that I can't see if there is more damage to his neck. My Mom shaved half of him last night and he looks horrible! I will have to take pictures later cause its just shameful how horrible he looks.

Basically yesterday was a horribly emotional day and I spent most of it crying. I am hoping things calm down in the coming months and I hope they calm even more when I move.

20 July 2008

Having A Hard Day

For the past few days my sadness over missing Hubby has gotten progressively worse. It probably doesn't help that I am in the two week wait either. I want so desperately for our family to come together, to be a true blended family. As much as I love my stepson, I want a child of my own. To be there from the beginning, to change diapers, to breastfeed, to get up all hours of the night. I want to experience those things.

I say to myself over and over again throughout the day that "I am pregnant." While I optimistic that I am, I still have my moments of doubt. Having a big fat negative on a test really didn't help to keep up the hope. Things like picking out boy names, cause we have already decided on a girls name, adding things to the online wish list I have and staring at my treasure map are all things that help me stay positive.

Another thing that helps is talking to Hubby. He is absolutely sure that I am pregnant, he even told the baby to take care of me the morning he left. He called her Isabella, the name we have picked out. Writing that just now has me in tears. I would probably be an even more negative person if it wasn't for Hubby. He helps balance me out, which he says is why we are meant to be together.

I just wish I could call and whine to him, to hear the positivity in his voice. I will just have to wait until he calls me tonight to hear it. It will be wonderful because of how weepy I have been these last oh 3 days now. I mean, 2 horror movies made me tear up on Friday. How bizzare is that?

I am sure I will get my BFP soon. When it does, I hope you all don't mind being woken up early with either a phone call or a picture text. I apologize in advance for my OCD and general craziness. Its the hormones.

18 July 2008


I went and saw the midnight showing of The Dark Knight last night and wow, the movie and Heath Ledger's performance as Joker blew me away. The whole experience was awesome, people were dressed up in costumes and everybody was just really excited.

Hubby was a little jealous but, he wanted me to go see it to get out of the house and to tell him if the hype surrounding the movie was correct. I am hoping we can go see it during his block leave before MOBing to Wisconsin.

In a phone conversation earlier this week Hubby told me that he is now part of the advance team to Wisconsin and most likely to Iraq as well. While it sucks that he has to leave a day earlier, it will be nice for him to start Active Duty sooner. Being back on National Guard duty and pay schedule has pretty much sucked. Its not fun for anybody to loose almost $400 in income for 1 paycheck.

Some talk has been going around about promoting him to SGT while on this deployment. Its about time they gave it to him, they should have gone ahead and given it to him while he was in Iraq last time. I guess 2 promotions in a year was just too much for his last unit. It has been said repeatedly by his superiors and coworkers that Hubby goes above and beyond in whatever task is given to him. I've got enough awards paperwork to prove it too lol.

The promotion would of course mean a raise in pay, not much but every little bit helps. I really hope that the promote him within the first couple of months of being there. He really deserves it.

In Doula news, I have my first potential client meeting on Monday. The Mom is due very soon, August 5th is her EDD. Her husband is currently deployed to Iraq with the Marine Corps. Her call caught me totally off guard because I wasn't expecting to get a hit off this particular directory. I must have sounded like a complete moron on the phone, it probably didn't help that I just woke up about 30 minutes prior.

If she hires me, I plan to use part of the money to get my website started and FINALLY pay De for the Girl Scout cookies she has been holding for me for months now. It will also go towards gas money, which probably won't get me very far. Damn the gas companies for gouging us so badly.

16 July 2008

Just Sitting Here

I am just sitting here, er, rather, laying here in my bed, missing my hubby. He doesn't get to call me until late at night, which sucks and somebody else always calls him while we are on the phone. These are things I have to get used to again. Its sucks but, its all part of my life as an Army wife.

I didn't get much done today. I was stuck at my parents house for the last several hours watching my most adorable nephew. He was super clingy to me today and had to be right next to me at all times. It was fun at first but, after lunch I was pooped.

I only escaped because Grandma had come home and he rather play with her after spending hours with me. I should mention that I got him to say the word grandma today. Then he started to turn it into "me-ma" which was cute too.

Spending all this time with my nephew makes me really wish that I had a baby of my own. Not that J doesn't satisfy some of the baby fever. It just isn't the same because he is not my child. I can sorta raise him but, only to a point. Which saddens me, cause my sister practices some things that I don't agree with. Like vaccination *gag* which sucks cause she doesn't keep up on them so when he finally does go back to the doctor, he gets a bunch at a time and gets a bit sick.

Anyway, I should be able to find out in the next few days whether or not I am pregnant. I am only 9 days past ovulation, so its going to be a few more days. Its a good thing I do not have any pregnancy tests in this house or I would have tested this morning. I woke up thinking it was 10 DPO lol. I guess that's what happens when you have really bizarre dreams.

It would be really lovely to be pregnant while Hubby is deployed. I would definitely be busier and theoretically less worried about him over there. I say theoretically, because we all know what pregnancy hormones can do to a woman. We want a child so much. I think it would be a major blessing to have a child by next summer.

If you all could light some candles for us, say a prayer, send some baby dust and sticky vibes, we would really appreciate it. I am trying to stay positive and act/think like I am pregnant but, its getting hard cause I am over analyzing everything. Shocker I know.

Anyway, thanks so much for everything.

14 July 2008

Guess I Have To Get Used To This Again....

Hubby called me last night and talked to me briefly cause he had to go. At the end of the conversation, he said he would call me right back. He still hasn't called. I have called him today and left a couple of messages cause his phone is off. I needed to inform him of a couple of things that are happening here at home, nothing serious. I also just wanted to say "I love you." He of course has not been able to call me back. I forgot that this was something I had to get used to again. Especially, when he is here in the state! That is the hard part, him being here in the state.

As I have been writing this, guess who called and is on the phone? He is so sweet "hey, my beautiful goddess, how are you today?" My husband is the greatest, at times lol. He is telling me about his day so far and what he has been doing. I can't tell you what he is telling me though, that would violate OPSEC ;) You can google that, cause I am too lazy to post the link.

13 July 2008

Doula Musings

I decided to make this a separate post so that it was easier to read and because it was on a very different subject. I really need to start concentrating on my Doula work. The only problem is, I don't have any. I really need to get a website up and running, I just don't have any money. I would do a free one but, I do not have any spiffy html skills to make my website look better than a fill in the blank type of thing.

I know that I have a passion for birth and helping people, I know this is what I want to do. I guess the universe is going to make me fight for it. I have no problem with that, just some days I wish the universe would make it a little bit easier.

I really need to get my birth bag all stocked up too. I need to cut some fabric down to sew up a couple of heat packs. Since I still haven't self taught myself to use my sewing machine, I will probably do the sewing by hand. Its not that big of a project so it shouldn't be too hard. I am gonna pick some of my lavender plant and somehow dry pieces out and stick it in one of the packs. I figured I would leave the other one unscented in case a client had a sensitivity to the smell during labor.

It appears I that I do in fact have a DVD burner (I am assuming that's what the DVD R/RW or the DVD rewrittable on the side means) on my laptop so, I am hoping to take Sabbath up on her offer to let me burn copies of some of her birth videos. That will save me a ton of money, cause they are pricey.

I know I don't need a lot of gear but, some massagers would be nice, so that when my fingers get tired I can use one of those. I think there is a whole thread of what people carry in their birth bags over on all doulas, I remember that being helpful when I was taking down some brainstorming ideas. Its been a while since I was on there, so maybe I should go check it out.

I am hoping the universe is hearing these thoughts and maybe I will get a call or email soon!

A Day In My Life

12 July 2008

This Is What It Looks Like When We Say Goodbye.

This dogtag will not come off until the deployment ends.

The first "official" goodbye kiss.

One last look.

One Last Kiss.

It never gets any easier saying goodbye. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that my soldier loves me and will come home to me in one piece. I have faith that the Gods will protect him and his fellow brothers in arms.

11 July 2008


Is the day I officially have been dreading. Its the day that I say goodbye to my husband, the official start date of the deployment. He maybe gets to come home for 8 days before heading out to the MOB station but, this being the Army, I somehow doubt that I am that lucky. I know a lot of wives right now are going through the same things, its not easy being us and I don't say that to mean that we are some how more special, yk? I say that because, what we are going through is a very unique experience. Its something that few people could understand, some don't understand even after extensive explaining.

I am sitting here right now, watching my dearest husband pack the last few things he needs. These are the things he needs to get to right away, like his hygiene kit, his Kevlar, his IPOD. He will tell you his IPOD is essential, keeps him awake and sane. Its sorta like watching a train wreck, you know its happening but, you don't want it to and you can't take your eyes away.

I know I will get through this, I have been there done that. The only thing I don't know is how many more of these my family will have to endure. Its all part of being a military family but, maybe one day I can experience being a military spouse during a time of peace.

09 July 2008

Will You Give This To My Daddy?

Be Prepared To Cry!

I received this in my email today from my husband. He received it from another friend of his. I have no idea where it came from or where it originated. All I know is that I burst into tears reading it.

"Last week I was in Atlanta , Georgia attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.

Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As they began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering.

When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for, it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.

Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal.

Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said 'hi.'

The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy
for her.

The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her Daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.

When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'

The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event.

As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American."

08 July 2008


Hubby only has a couple of days left before he leaves and what happens? A freaking crisis with one of his underlings, well crisis in military terms. His underling's current unit is trying not to release him for the deployment and of course, Hubby has to go in to the armory on his day off to talk to people about the bullshit and try to get it straightened out.

I think it should be law that if a soldier only has a few days left with his family, DO NOT CALL HIM! At least he cleaned the kitchen and started laundry today! How I will miss that, I hate having to do laundry. Of course, it might be easier with him gone. I will definitely have less laundry to do lol.

When we go to drop him off on Saturday, I am going to do a day in the life pictures thing for a board I am on. I think it will be really touching to see what its like for us Army Wives to say goodbye. I know he will only be gone for 28 days, then home for like 5 before Iraq but, its still technically the start of the deployment. I will definitely post the pictures here too! I will do another DITL when we drop him off for MOB, which will probably be August 18 or earlier. He better not have to report on my nephew's birthday or I am gonna kick some Army Ass!

07 July 2008

What This Blog Is About

This is just a small intro post, it will probably be a few days before I really get going on blogging here. Basically this is going to be a blog about what my life is like while my husband is deployed, the ups, the downs, and the scary shit that happens while a loved one is in Iraq.

I will also be posting about what its like for me as a Doula during this stressful time. Should be an interesting ride, huh?