31 March 2009


Lately I have been noticing that the vacuum cleaner has been sounding weird while its running. I pretty much figured it was clogged do to all my hair it sucks up. I shed a lot. On top of my hair is Salem's fur clumps and kitty litter catastrophes, she has a covered litter box and somehow my bedroom floor still has kitty litter on it. I cut hair away from the belt and proceeded to try and unclog the tube. Yeah, all I did was shove the clog farther into the tube. I of course have no wire hanger or other wire implement to scrape the clog out.

I am sure Hubby has something somewhere in the house to help out. I remember him leaving me something to use and I unfortunately moved it. Which means I cannot remember where the heck I put it. He also called this morning before I vacuumed so its not like I can ask him.

Luckily, my Dad needs to come over and mow my lawn. He also needs to bring me the compost bin he made me because my Mom keeps forgetting. Anyway, he says he will fix it. I am hoping the clog is the problem because I really do not want to go out and buy a new vacuum cleaner. Well, I do, I just cannot afford a Dyson yet.

I switched to Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred on Sunday and boy is it kicking my ass. That's the only way to put it. Its so much more intense than Level 1 and I always feel like human Jell-o after. Today was really hard because I was more sore than the last two times. Its really helping to kick some more weight off. My size 10 jeans are now pretty loose. In fact, I can wiggle them off while still buttoned and zipped!

I am so not looking forward to going clothes shopping again. I abhor clothes shopping. Unfortunately I need to try things on cause I have a weird shape. Not to mention its not a good idea to buy a new bra without first getting fitted, especially with weight loss. Can I just take a second to mention how absolutely unfair it is that I have lost weight in my breasts? It totally sucks.

It looks like Spring is finally making an appearance which means I will be able to get out into the garden soon! I still need to order some seeds and garden paraphernalia too. I am totally slacking this year and I absolutely hate it. I will probably be one of those people who gets super duper in to gardening when they get their own house. Since that is a long way off still, I will have to start getting way more creative.

28 March 2009

Package From Iraq

The package that Hubby sent me arrived today. I burst into tears when I started reading the letter. *sigh* I miss him terribly. He misses me terribly as well. The proof on that is the letter and the mixed CDs he made me. The only problem with the package: He sent me an iPOD with NO cords or headphones and it does not even turn on. So much for downloading some music, etc to it.

Hubby told me the last time that he called that eventually he will be going out of contact for a month. I am totally terrified of this. We have never in our almost four years together as a couple, gone that long without talking. I think the most has been 1.5 weeks. I am trying really hard to have faith in the Gods that they will protect my Hubby, but my brain is doing a lot of "what will I do without him?"

My plan for this time, assuming he can tell me he is leaving, is to throw myself even harder into school and work on promoting my Doula business more. I will of course continue working out with Jillian Micheal's 30 Day Shred DVD and I might add in Pilates again just to add in some more focus on my core.

I have said this multiple times in my blog and I am going to continue it again. I have a VERY good feeling about how things are going to turn out this upcoming year. So much so that I was practically on cloud nine while doing my Treasure Map this year. Here it is:

I absolutely love my Treasure Map this year. I had not planned on it being this big, its the biggest one I have done in the 3 years I have been treasure mapping. I saw the poster board and it just called out to me. I spent hours cutting out the images from magazines and switched the layout of things a couple of times. Then, I spent yesterday gluing it down and changing the layout some more.

This year is going to be fabulous. I can feel it.

23 March 2009


I don't post many negative blogs because I am trying to be a more optimistic person. Today, not so much. I am so over this damned deployment. I am over my Hubby taking stress out on me, I am tired of taking my stress out on him, etc. Its seriously a vicious cycle right now. We are SO close to being done and right now we are bickering a lot. Oh and the bickering is beyond stupid, its over the smallest things. Its just ridiculous.

I will admit to feeling jealous and resentful of things right now. I really am feeling like a non-existent priority in his life right now. I know he is not intentionally doing it, but it still sucks and hurts. I only get so much of his time and I would love for him to spend at least a smidge of the phone conversation being mushy to me. A girl needs that every once in awhile, especially when she is used to having her Hubby be that was when they are together. Well, at least part of the time.

Thankfully we do not have much longer left on this deployment. I think as long as I keep myself busy that I should be fine. This weekend I am having a few of the local Doulas over to just chat and get to know one another. Most of them already know each other and since I am new I want to get to know them and more about the birth climate down this way. I am also hoping to promote the ALACE workshop I am hosting. Get their ideas on good places to go hang up fliers.

I got the Prepak from school today and I am just a little overwhelmed. I need to let it sink in that the next step is here. I will start slowly with reading everything tomorrow. I went over the check list today and have everything, so that's good. I need to make a plan for the next couple of weeks about what I want to accomplish. I am such a procrastinator and I really need to find ways to combat that. I have gotten much better thankfully.

Things are going to get really hectic over the next few months. I am both looking forward to it and dreading it. I can't wait for fall. By that time Hubby should be home and its also my favorite time of year!

18 March 2009

Seven Months Down

Here we are, another month of this deployment is over. Too bad we still don't know for sure when they are all coming home. We've heard rumors about it and if you know the military at all, nothing is ever true until its actually happening. I do know that the FRG will begin planning the homecoming festivities starting next month, not that it effects me because the unit DH is attached to is about 3 hours up north and we won't be celebrating there as far as I know.

I ordered my dress a couple of days ago. I am so nervous about fitting into it. FedEx says it should arrive tomorrow! I get to try it on and either jump for joy or cry a little bit. If its too tight that just gives me more motivation to workout and kiss some of this weight goodbye. I am pretty sure I am over 10 pounds lost at this point, I don't own a scale so its hard to tell. I do know that parts of my size 10 jeans are starting to get loose.

I may have to add Tae Bo back into my routine instead of just doing 30 Day Shred. I really want this weight to come off, I just don't want to push myself so hard that I quit working out. This is probably the longest I have ever consistently worked out, not counting high school P.E. Part of me wishes that it was coming off faster. On the other hand, slow and steady weight loss is probably for the best because it will last longer. I am definitely more committed to this now. I can't wait to see the look on Hubby's face when he sees me though. Its going to be great.

I have so much left to do between now and when he comes home. I have to get the house ready (mostly decluttering my school stuff from the living room) and pick out food he is going to want to eat the first few weeks. Oh and I have to save up enough money so that we can go to the Bed and Breakfast we were looking at. We've never been to one and since we rarely take time for ourselves, I thought this would be the perfect excuse.

I am going to be honest. I am completely nervous about him coming home. Probably more so this time than the last deployment. By the time he comes home it will be close to a year since we have seen each other in person. The last deployment he got R&R and we only went 8 months total without seeing each other in the flesh. I am worried that I will have not lost enough weight to be happy with myself and that he will notice that. I am worried that things are going to be super awkward and different between us. Now, I know that some of these fears are totally normal for deployments. I just wish I could know for sure.

I could totally use some good news today and a phone call from Hubby.

04 March 2009

Dear Deployment

You suck. Plain and simple you are making my life miserable right now and I want you to die a fiery death. I just want my husband home to help me deal with all this minor crap that I have no experience in handling. I mean seriously, ceiling leaking? Yes, I called the landlord, she thinks its because the siding is being replaced. Oh and today, not one but two, yes TWO, outlets stopped working. The one the siding guys used all day yesterday outside and the only outlet in the bathroom as well. We tested EVERY single outlet in the house and reset the breakers, everything works except for these two.

I am really pissed at you for only letting me talk to my husband for one hour total over the last 3.5 days. You get him for so much more time than I do, why can't I get a long conversation? Especially when I am feeling so blah about things. Why can't you go by faster too. I know that we are moving at a pretty rapid pace right now as it is but, blurring speed would be good at times too.

I know my husband signed up for this and to some extent I did as well. It does not negate the fact that I am allowed to have a shitty moment. I know that he is just doing his job but, shit. I just want some time where we don't talk about mundane stupid shit.

Basically if a deployment was a person, I would be flipping it off and cursing it out. Oh wait, I am already doing that. Yep, I have cracked some more today.

02 March 2009

February Flew By!

I cannot believe its March already! I swear that February flew by faster than it usually does. It must be because I have been so busy. I am not complaining though. I love the fact that each month is flying by so swiftly. It means that my Hubby will be home sooner. Well, it will feel like it.

Lately, I have been having panic attacks, for lack of a better term, over him coming home. I am so terrified that I am not going to get everything done that I want to get done before he comes home. I have made progress on a lot of my goals but, nothing is completely done. Of course, I did not really write goals that have a definitive finish point. Most of my goals are about continuous growth.

My main goal before he comes home is to loose even more weight. My big, dream goal is to be 130 pounds. That will be 40+ pounds of weight loss because I am convinced that I weighed more this summer than when I got weighed in November after 2 months of working out. Anyway, I got weighed last month and was 162 pounds. I obviously have a lot of work to do. I have no idea how much I weigh right now but, my clothes keep getting looser so that's a good sign. I kind of want to get a scale. I know it will just upset me though so I am rethinking that idea. I guess I can be happy with getting weighed every two months at the doctors.

I have been busting ass at school work and putting together the ALACE Labor Assistant workshop for October. I am still trying to find a place to host the workshop and am getting turned down at every turn it seems. It might help if I knew the area better. I am just going to keep emailing and calling people.

I am going to be crazy busy these next few months. I look forward to it.