Well, This Is A First

My landlord just called me, even though she meant to text me. Apparently, there was a drive-by last night and even more worrisome is the fact that I slept through it. Yeah, that's real safe. My happy mood was just killed too. Earlier today I was texting Hubby and I said "Let's stay here for at least two years, instead of moving." Now I don't feel like this is going to be a safe place. I guess I will have to see how many more drive-bys there are to really judge.

I would just like the universe to stop playing this joke on me, why can't I pick a safe place to live? Oh and why does this type of crap always have to happen when Hubby is deployed or otherwise unavailable? I am pretty sure this is the universe's way of testing my resolve to be less of a pessimist. I guess I could go meditate on buying our land and building our own home. Or better yet, I could go draw some floor plans again, that's always fun and still meditative.

I might also go sign up for seed catalogs, so that this winter I can dream up what I am going to do in the garden. I need to go dig through boxes to see if I have any old seed catalogs left to see which companies I have looked at in the past. The only companies I can remember right now are Seeds of Change and the Seed Savers Exchange. My goal is to grow a bunch of my own food in those lovely garden boxes that I have. I also have the perfect area in mind for herbs of the culinary and magical persuasion. I hope to pick out some rather pretty flowers as well.

Guess I should go dream about owning my own land, where I don't have to worry about whether or not I'll get shot at.

Migraines

Migraines are teh suck. I seem to be getting them a lot more lately and I think the weather changing may have aggrivated the sometimes occasional problem. I am not spending anymore time in front of the computer than usual. In fact, I would say I spend less time on the computer than I have in the past.

I am still doing a bunch of things around the house, mostly just getting into a routine. We need to rearrange the living room and possibly the office. I need Hubby to be here for that and thankfully he should be here for a few days in about 2-3 weeks. He gets to do all the moving and I get to tell him where to.

We have a bunch planned for the few days that he is here, so we won't be doing much visiting. The time he is home is going to be about us and spending time together before he flies to the sandbox. We have unfortunately made the habit of not making time for each other, to connect as a couple and we are still remedying that. Of course it took him going to Iraq again to realize that situation, funny how things work out like that.

Boring Day

After my little cardio workout this morning, I basically spent my day sitting on the couch reading, oh and spending way to much time in my own head. That's usually not a very good thing, means I have too much on my mind and I need to calm down. I think I am somewhat calmed down, all it took was a little grounding, centering and to cleanse my house and I am not talking about vacuuming and such. I won't know how much more of a cleansing I will need to do for the next couple of days. I have to see how I feel emotionally and mentally to really gauge that.

I also wrote a very large entry in my journal today as well as a 4 page letter to my Hubby, it REALLY helped to get things out. I was more positive in my letter than I was in my journal. I was not really negative in my journal, it was just really introspective and worked out a lot of the negative thoughts I had in my brain. I need to remember to keep up with my journal, I do write more private things in there and it helps. Writing out what is going on with me has always helped. I can express everything better in written format than I ever can in spoken words.

I am still working on the being more positive aspect of things. I forgot how much of a process this was. It seemed so easier last time I did it, it was over a year ago when I made sure I was always positive and now I can't remember what exactly I did. I guess I will do a journal entry of things to be positive about. I could also add to this collage I have going, that Hubby and I did together. I just need some more magazines and new ink cartridges for my printer. I'll probably do that once Mercury leaves Retrograde though.

Once again I have so many things on my mind, I better work on clearing my mind more. I used to be so good at it when I first met Hubby. I wonder how I lost that piece of me? I lost a lot of pieces of myself over the last three years. How do I get them back??

Another Day Down

Its another day down and another day closer to this deployment ending. I know its silly of me to be saying that and he isn't quite to the sandbox yet but, its helping me to stay positive. Which is one of my goals this deployment. Its actually kinda working.

I have about 23/24 more days until my birthday. I am turning the big 2-4! I have no idea what we are going to do for my birthday as its on a Sunday this year. I'll probably celebrate it on Friday to give Hubby time to recuperate before he has to fly back to MOB on Sunday afternoon. I think he might leave for the sandbox soon after that, not sure cause I am not allowed to know. Its against OPSEC
for the Hubby to give me that kind of information.

Hubby is having a very busy day today and I may not get to talk to him until tomorrow morning. Which totally bites for me cause I would love to hear his voice about now. This is the part I hate getting used to, not being able to talk to him about issues and/or how I am feeling. I guess I will just put everything I am feeling right now into a letter for him.

Whoops!

I guess in all my letter writing to Hubby, I forgot about updating my blog. My apologies for being so absent minded. Nothing much exciting has been going on around the house, its just been unusually hot here. I have basically been relaxing, trying to keep hydrated as well as keep cool.

I decided against reading Pagan Parenting for the time being. It just was not calling to me at this particular point in time. Instead I am rereading The Mists of Avalon *swoon* I love this book! I am also reading The Nursing Mother's Companion so I can keep up with my studies. I will probably finish the Companion long before I finish the Mists. I am oddly learning from both books. I know the Mists is fiction but, you can still learn from it.

I have recently started working out to my favorite Pilates DVD again. My goal is to complete the DVD every day until Hubby comes home early next month. I took a before picture the other day. I am not expecting dramatic results but, it would be nice to see if there is any difference. In the next couple of paychecks, I am going to purchase the original Tae Bo tapes off of E-Bay. I always loved that workout and it will be nice to incorporate into my workout routine. I need to contact one of my friends about the fertility Yoga DVD she does, I want to look into getting that as well.

Speaking of fertility, I am currently taking a break from temping and charting. Though, I will admit to checking on my CM every once in awhile. I honestly think I am less stressed out right now. Charting to see when I ovulated became like watching a pot and waiting for it to boil. I don't know if NOT charting is going to help me ovulate any earlier but, just the change in my stress level has been amazing.

I am trying to take care of me for a change and I would say its helping to improve things a bunch.

Boy Is It Hot!

One would think with this being Washington, it would be cold by now. As it traditionally starts getting cold in late August. Apparently, mother nature and global warming did not get that memo. Here we are in Mid-September and it is currently a lovely 76* outside. The forecast for the next two days is in the mid to upper 80s. This is totally not okay with me, just to let you know. I want my crisp, cool days of Autumn already. I want the leaves to start turning and most importantly I want some rain!

I am sure next month I will get my wish for rain and then some. Having this extended amount of warm weather does have me concerned for winter though. I have a feeling that we will be in for a harsh winter. Since I don't know how to drive in the snow, this frightens me immensely. Not to mention that I do not have the type of vehicle that handles well in icy, or snowy conditions. Why can't Hubby be gone during the summer's and return in winter? Why does he always have to be gone during winter and come home during the nicer months? *sigh*

One of these days I am going to learn how to drive in icy and snowy conditions. I'll also learn hands-on what to do when you start skidding, I did not do so well the one and only time I hit ice. I hope to learn on a much better car too. Please send vibes that once this deployment is over we can purchase a newer car for our family. Two door cars with little storage room are not working for us. With having Bonus Son who will be 8 by the time Hubby gets back, all of Hubby's gear and our dog, yeah not a whole lot of room left.

I am still feeling really positive about things. Its hard to keep up this optimistic thing. I am doing it to the best of my ability and that is all anybody can ask for, right?

Enjoying Myself

I have spent the last few days reading and it has been so wonderful. I finally finished a Doula related book after starting it several months ago. I sort of forgot about it during the last move, whoops. Today, I completely devoured "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children: Your Guide To A Happier Family" in a little over four hours. While I don't agree with every statement in the book, I loved it. It was really insightful and I can't wait to read their next book in the series "How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and How To Listen So Your Kids Will Talk." For now though, I think I am going to read "Pagan Parenting." I think I read it once several years ago, I just figured I should read it again just for fun.

All this reading has been very relaxing. Its been awhile since I just got to sit and read for ages. I still got some other things done around the house, dishes and folding of laundry among those things. I feel so calm, which is not something I have felt in awhile. Deployments are very stressful and as someone who is usually always stressed, it can be even harder.

I am trying to take time out to enjoy things and do things that make me happy. Its been too long since I was selfish, that may sound shallow to some. How am I supposed to take care of everyone else, if I don't take care of myself every once in a blue moon? I am making myself better, for my family. If I am feeling good, I can help them better.

I am having some problems with our new neighbor. He is strange, very strange. Last night at about 8 pm, he pulls into the extra parking area right near my bedroom window. He then proceeds to start taking down the side to this canvas, tent like carport, that I assume belonged to the landlord. His truck is still on with lights blaring into my room. Oh, and he is smoking, which normally would not be a problem if I did not have a fan pulling the cool air in from outside. Anyway, at about 9pm, I shut the window and turn off my light to go to sleep. He leaves for like 5 minutes and comes back and parks again, with his truck lights shining into my room. I ignore it and fall asleep. I wake up and find the carport gone...strange.

Later, he brings his project boat home and parks it right where the carport used to be. Only problem is, he parks the boat MUCH farther back into my little section on the yard. His dual motors are very close to the end garden box and now all I see when I look out my window is this really crappy, falling apart boat. The problem I am having is the large size of this thing. Its taken up a lot of space that it really should not be. Its really too large for the space he has it in.

I feel like I should talk to my landlord. I just don't want to be whiny baby. Its just, part of the yard is now gone thanks to this monstrosity. *whines* Okay, I will just whine here and get over it. Its so ugly and the upholstery is coming off on the seats and such inside it. I can see the driver's seat upholstery just flapping every time the wind blows.

If you could pray to the Goddess and Gods that I win the lotto that would be helpful. I need to win so I can go build myself a secluded hideaway in the country.

Good Advice

Yesterday I had a torrential meltdown. I got some news that was happy for the person giving it but, painful for me. On top of everything else that is going on in my life, I guess it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I did a lot of crying, some screaming and kicking and punching of walls. I even took a bath to try and calm the storm, it didn't work.

After pouring my heart out to anybody that would listen and a lot of fighting with Hubby, I finally calmed down and got to a more positive place. I got some good advice from a dear friend of mine who is currently pregnant with number 11! She told me that each morning she woke up she would try and come up with 3-5 things to be happy about. Which I thought was a good idea since I am trying to stop being such a pessimist. She is always such a positive person and I swear she can always see a silver lining to anything.

Basically today, I tried to be more positive and I am going to continue to do that each day. I will have set backs, I am human after all. I just think that maybe if I start being positive that I will attract positive things, people and situations into my life. I am pretty sure that's the Law Of Attraction and I know a lot of people follow it.

I have a feeling that good things are going to start happening for us.

Budgeting

Budgeting sucks, especially after you move into a new place and are trying to come up with estimates about how much things are going to cost. I have a pretty good idea about how much things are going to cost in terms of bills, so its not too bad. Its just hard because I am not 100% sure and right now I feel like we are not getting ahead at all.

When Hubby came off of active duty orders for that month, it really screwed with our financial situation. We live just a little past paycheck to paycheck usually and have no substantial savings. This is something we are working really hard on changing. I want us to have an emergency fund should something like this happen again, its gonna have to be a big fund too to cover child support as well.

With Hubby being back on active duty orders, things should start normalizing soon. Well, as normal as they can get during a deployment. Its going to be nice to get ahead again. Maybe by the time he gets home I will have enough saved up to get a NEWER used car. I am praying to the Goddess that my car makes it through this deployment. Its 24 years old (same age as me come October) and its got over 150K miles on it. The problem we are having is finding parts, they don't make some of them for my car anymore. Its too old. I just want either a newer Honda or a Subaru, I don't want anything too flashy. I want something that will last the next 10 years or so, withstand kids and the occasional animal. That's not asking much....right?

Scheduling

Hubby suggested to me last night that I should try and plan out my day, as a way to help with my tendency to procrastinate. I was slightly offended by the suggestion, possibly because of how he worded it. It made me feel like I don't really do anything, you know? I decided to take the suggestion, after talking with some friends about it. I vaguely planned out my day by stating that I was gonna do such and such things today. It worked pretty well, I feel like I got so much done and the day went by pretty fast.

I told Hubby he was right and after the initial shock of me admitting I was wrong was over, he said he was happy that I felt accomplished. He also said that this might help me keep myself distracted while he is gone. I hope to add more activities to my schedule as time goes on and I keep up with my goals list. I really hope this makes the deployment fly by!

I was able to get some studying in today as well. I finished off a chapter in my book and hope to finish off another one tomorrow. I think I am going to have to move to the couch to read effectively. While my room is cooler during the day, I tend to get sleepy while reading in here. It gets to the point sometimes where I have to take a break or I risk passing out with the book. Its not because the subject is boring, its because I am so relaxed.

I am hoping the weather cools down soon. Its not normal for it to be so hot this time of year. Usually by now the rain has started and it gets cool. I want Autumn to start already dangit! I need that crisp coolness and some rain to function properly as a Washingtonian. I am sure it will start soon and then, I will be wishing for some nice weather. I think Autumn and Spring are my favorite times of year. They also have my favorite holidays during those seasons as well: Samhain and Beltane. I can't wait to celebrate those this next year!

Lovey Ramblings

Hubby and I got to talk for about an hour straight today. It was so lovely to be able to discuss things, and to really connect again. Its hard to always feel connected with him so far away and with him constantly getting interrupted while talking to me on the phone as well.

I remember when we first started dating, we once had a FOUR HOUR phone conversation. *Happy Sigh* that was a great time. We connected so much in that phone conversation and I knew then that things were going to get serious between us. It feels like that was so long ago when in reality, that was just three years ago. Hubby made a comment the other day that it feels like we have been together 10 years or more. He always says that we complete and compliment each other, I think he is right.

I could not imagine my life without him. I know that sounds so cheesy and high school but, its the truth. My life would be vastly different without Hubby in it, I would probably still be stuck in the Electronics department and not working towards my passions. If I was not in his life he would not have gone back in the Army, his DREAM. He gave up so many dreams in his last relationship, so many that it was definitely not fair or even healthy.

Hubby and I support each other in everything we undertake. Even if we think its a little crazy, as I am sure he thinks some of my ideas are loopy. We have a true partnership and it takes work. I am not going to lie to you and say we don't fight because we do. I think its one of the ways we work through things and become closer. Thankfully we don't fight very often, I guess that just proves how much we are made for each other.

Now that I have sickened you with all my lovey dovey stuff and bounced around in my thoughts a bunch, I am gonna call it a night.

*Yawn*

I am taking a break from unpacking today because my arms and back are so stiff that its hard for me to even fold laundry. Its not like our stuff is going anywhere. I have plenty of time to unpack and go through things. I cannot wait until Hubby comes home and he can go through his things and purge. He has promised he will and I am gonna nag him on that promise lol.

I should be working on getting the rest of the office unpacked and I may just do that later since its not that labor intensive compared to my other unpacking activities. I got my printer unpacked yesterday and I may just print off a brochure I made up to see how it looks. I am trying to figure out what to put down on a postcard introducing my business. I need to put a blurb about the business and what it does. I really don't want to copy and paste information from my website. I will most likely come back to this after I have had some time to get into a creative mode.

I just wish it looked like things were in some sort of order. All it looks like I have done is just shove things where it was easiest. You should see the office space, which is a converted garage space. Oh lord its a mess in here. I look at it and get so overwhelmed. I have no idea what to do at this moment. I think its going to have to wait until my sanity returns, which may not be until the deployment is over.

Exhausted

It seems like unpacking is never ending at the moment. I seem to be creating a bigger mess as I am going along then when I first got here. I have come to the conclusion that the way I have things set up is just not going to work. Having the office in the converted garage being one of those things. I am also thinking that the current set up of the living room isn't working either. My Mom agreed with me, its just not conducive to visiting or everybody being able to watch the tv. Not to mention our furniture is just too large. Guess this means I will have to go to Ikea after all, shucks. LOL

Also, I must be mentally challenged in my tired state because I put letters to Hubby into my mailbox and the mail person still has not taken them. Its been two days. Now, I did not see a slot for outgoing mail when I walked around the box today and I feel silly for even possibly needing to call or text my landlord going "where do I put my outgoing mail?" I may have Hubby call to help with my seeming undying embarrassment and feelings of stupidity. I seem to be having a lot of those feelings since moving in.

I am getting ready to order more business cards from Vista Print. The ones I made on Publisher just are not doing it for me. I am thinking about sending out some brochures or postcards to local places that pregnant mamas hang out. I am just not sure how to go about that. Do I just mail them a bunch with a nice letter saying " I am trying to bring in business, would you be so kind as to display these?" Obviously it would not be worded that way but, you catch my drift.

It does not look like any TLC meetings have started up or I would be handing out some cards there as well. I am hoping some sort of labor assistant meetings start soon, I would love to meet some like minded people, kinda. I am so shy that its going to be really hard for me to get out there. Maybe I can find someone to carpool with?

I am off to unpack some more and look up making business type postcards on Publisher or Vista Print.

Ouch!

You know its never going to be a good period when your cramps interrupt your sleep at 6 am. That's how my day started and not even 600 milligrams of Ibuprofen is knocking these babies back. I try to tell myself that if I cannot handle these, than I am going to suck at childbirth. The truth is, I really don't want to handle them right now. Usually I have Hubby here to help rub them away and he is always so cute and worried about my cramps. For some odd reason, Aunt Flow is making me miss him more.

I cleaned up a bit today, so the living room doesn't look as trashy as it did. I also removed a bunch of nails from various walls so that I can patch them up for when I decide to paint. I also washed and hung up a load of laundry on the clothesline. Its hot enough in the house right now that I am sure it will all be dried by tonight and the things I have on there are not vitally important so its all good.

Hoping to get the rest of my furniture and hopefully my cold food tomorrow. I really want to get my office space set up. I am about to fill out a proposal form to host a Doula workshop up here, so it would be nice to have an area where I can actually work on Doula related things. Hopefully I will get some clients soon, I really want to get a solo birth under my belt. I guess the problem I am having is advertising, not sure the right way to go about that. Anybody with suggestions?

I better get back to loosing myself in a book. Hopefully I can finish it off soon!

Unpacking

Unpacking totally bites, especially when you are doing it all alone. Moving furniture takes a bit longer because you have to figure out how to angle the big pieces while not dropping it on yourself. At least the pieces I moved today were a bit lighter than other pieces I have yet to retrieve from the old house.

I got one of the most important things unpacked today: my books! I was so excited to see them out and all lined up on the shelf waiting for me to read them again or for the first time. I have a goal to read two "regular" books a month and at least one birth related book as well. Hopefully, I can remember to stick to that during all this unpacking.

I went to the store for the first time today. Luckily its a pretty straight shot there and there were no crazy drivers on the road. I had one lady chat me up in line asking her if the kids were in school and when I replied "No kids yet, that would require my husband to be in the country," she asked if it was Iraq and started crying for me. It was really so sweet, I have never had that happen before. I have had people thank me but this is my first crying person. It was nice, not psycho like I always fear.

So, I ventured out and looked around a bit at the scenery. I just need to find good food besides Frugals, like Teriyaki, Chinese, and Thai even. Not that I eat out much, it would just be a nice thing to know. Just in case I ever got the urge to eat some of those things.

I think I may venture out the the Joann's in the nearby town to sign up for next months sewing class, because I was unable to attend today's class because I am unpacking and didn't get a chance to sign up in time. I can't wait to take the class though. Its about time I learned how to use my sewing machine *hides* I am not good at learning those types of things on my own.

Off to the never ending stream of boxes.

New Start!

Well, I am mostly moved into our new place! I still have most of my furniture at the old place and I am praying that it does not get ruined in the few extra days it has to stay there. My sister, her boyfriend and their friends are spiteful like that. Oh well, I can replace whatever they break...eventually.

So, my whole social phobia thing is kicking in and I am afraid to go drive around and explore by myself. I so need someone here with me, just for a couple of days. I am literally having an anxiety attack over it. Wow, how insane do I sound? Run while you can people cause my issues are gonna start pissing you off soon. Its just all so overwhelming right now and scary.

I just signed up for milk delivery through Smith Brother's Dairy. My parents had them deliver to us when we were growing up and they now carry organic milk! I could not find any information on signing up for Wilcox Dairy Home Delivery, which used to be delivered here. Oh well.

Ugh, I have no idea what else to write so I am gonna call it a day.