This is a question that I have been asking myself a lot lately. Being on the other side of the abuse, I realize that I completely lost myself in my ex and our relationship. I don't really remember things ever being just about me and when I started taking steps to be more independent, he bolted. Which is funny because he was always complaining about that very thing.
Now the task I have ahead of me is figuring out who exactly I am. I thought I had a pretty good idea of that over the last four years. Parts of my identity are not necessarily gone, but rather in hibernation because they don't fit my life right now. Starting over is really hard to do and I have to start from square one, again.