16 June 2009

A Fresh Start

A lot of stuff has happened since I last posted. I am for sure getting a divorce. It still is a bit shocking to me at times, mainly because I never saw myself as ever having to go through something like this. My STBX husband is very vindictive and its only now, that I am basically on the other side of this that I can see how sociopathic his behavior really was for the 4 years we were together.

I am not going to get into everything my ex did to me on here, at least not now because I am still processing it all. Just know that it was pretty bad. While he never outright physically abused me, he did make sure I knew who had the power physically. He also emotionally and verbally abused me. Basically, all his behavior is covered in this article.

I have not talked to my ex since the day he sent the email and the only emails I have gotten have been extremely vindictive, especially the ones he had his new girlfriend write for him. I know it was her because my STBX cannot spell worth a damn, and didn't even know what "yk?" meant and was all of a sudden using "btw."

I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was. I hardly ever think about him actually. What I think about is the life I lead when we were together. I miss the security, having a home of my own (even if we only rented) and the idea of marriage. The part that makes this whole thing so difficult? My poor stepson. Apparently this summer my STBX told him that if he was not nice to me, that we would divorce. Kids blame themselves already for stuff like this, but my stepson basically had it confirmed for him. How horrible is that? He is obviously having a hugely difficult time with this, 2 divorces in 4 years is a lot for an adult to handle. I can only imagine how it must feel for a 7.5 year old.

I see a bit of a path I want to take. I am just not sure how to get there.

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