I am becoming increasingly nervous about the start of The Matrona program in a couple of weeks. I am afraid that I will not be able to handle it with my full work load and half-ass trying to get caught back up with Ancient Art Midwifery Institute. Some days, I really feel like I should really just stay home and devout my life to studying midwifery. Unfortunately, I have bills to pay and health insurance is definitely needed.
I am very nervous about how I will fit in. I still have horrible social anxiety and this fear of looking like an idiot. I'm wondering if I will get along with these 14+ other women or if we will all become a close knit group. Ugh, I do not do well with this. I understand that this is something I need to overcome in order to practice midwifery and that is why I keep pushing myself into these group type of situations. The Matrona will open up so many opportunities and its making me day dream even more about when I eventually open up my own practice. *le sigh* Can't you just picture me as a midwife??
The financial aspects of The Matrona should be interesting as well. I am hoping my old Honda holds up for another year, that way I can keep paying for school and not worry about getting a new car. I really need to come up with a budget for the house as well. That will help tremendously. I am pretty sure I have quite a few school supplies to buy as well. I have so much to do and can't seem to get over my nerves.
I just wish that I could find an apprenticeship now to go along with The Matrona. I want to actually start doing what I love.