11 July 2011

Raising My Vibration: Day 1

I am abundant because:

I have a good life. I know this. Even if I don't always show it or realize in those moments where I think the shit is hitting the fan. I have a wonderful boyfriend (whom I keep referring to as my husband in my head), I have a great job (even if I hate it a lot, it pays well), I have a car that while falling apart still gets me where I need to go.

My family is nuttier and more dysfunctional than others, but when the shit REALLY hits the fan (my divorce for an example) they have always been there for me. I have an amazing nephew and a gorgeous 8 month old niece who brought our family closer together. If it wasn't for the birth of my nephew, I would not on the path to becoming a midwife. Having him come into this world is one of the best things that happened to our family. I missed the birth of my niece by mere minutes, something I am still slightly pissed at myself for lol. She is so different from her brother even at such a young age, getting to play with her, bounce/rock her to sleep and just holding her is such a joy.

Aaron is my rock, my best friend, and he truly is the love of my life. True love is hard work, unlike the stories lead you to believe. True love puts up with the bullshit of your baggage and looks at you like you are the sun, the moon, and the stars all in one. Aaron has put up with my crazy ass ex-husband trying to win me back, my insecurities with men, my trust issues, and my own brand of crazy for almost 2 years now. He has never once faltered in his love and commitment to me, our future, or our family. He is the man my ex lead me to believe he was and then some. He is an amazing father, I have never seen someone more attached, focused, attentive, and loving to their child besides my own father. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

My friends at C2PP, we might not all live in the same state and some I have not actually met in person, but this group of people have been my rock, the place I can be me, vent, cry,  whine, and bitch (I do that a lot) to for the last 4 years now. If it wasn't for their support, combined with my family's, I am not sure I would have survived the divorce, several mind fucks by my ex, etc as well as I did.

De, she is someone I consider a sister at this point. After my ex left me, she flew me out to her house in Virginia two separate times, at her own expense, just to give me an escape and place to start recovering. If it wasn't for her, I would have lost my shit much worse than I did. I remember the first time we talked on the phone, Spring of 2008. I was still with my ex and she was calling to check on a medical problem I was having. She was so kind and thoughtful. I am eternally grateful for her.

My sister Kaitlyn, she tells it like it is, no sugar coating...ever. While we have our days where we hate each others guts and nothing we say to each other is "nice," I am thankful for such an amazing sister. She might be the youngest, but she gives some damn good advice. I can always count on her to give me the slap back to reality I need if my crazy is becoming too much. Kaitlyn is a fighter, mess with her family and you better hope you can outrun her. She's proud of her bitch status, doesn't care what others think and is doing some amazing things with her life. I can't wait to see what she does next.

My sister Laura, she is the mediator. The middle sibling who has to deal with everyone when they are fighting. She is the most amazing mother, always devoted to her children. We both went through some awful crap with our exes and it made us stronger. Laura is probably one of the strongest people I know. I am so proud of the person she has become since my nephew was born. Juggling two children and school is not an easy task, but she's doing it.

Chris, the guy I consider my brother and my nephew's Dad. We can geek out together on comics, movies and be dumb with Jordan. Seeing him grow into the father he is today has been such a wonderful experience. 

My Mom, everyone's rock. She doesn't realize that its okay to just loose it in front of us and always tries to be the strong one. She has put up with all of our crazy antics, cancer, cancer scares, surgeries, etc. I put her through some exceptionally tough times while I was growing up, and she never gave up on me.

My Dad, the man who thinks he has to be there for everyone and provide everything. He puts so much on himself and hardly ever asks for help. He needs to realize its okay to ask for help, he can't carry everything on his shoulders. We weren't very close during my teen years, and we are probably closer now than we ever were. He is the man I look to when I think of great men and someone I hope to raise my children to be like. He is probably more compassionate than people realize, every time one of his daughters is hurting, it hurts him. He is an amazing grandfather and my nephew is his mini me, they are the best of friends.

lol. I told her about how my ex had come back, etc. She then told me, "you know, I loved you through all of that, like you were one of my own." I about burst into tears. She is a huge inspiration to me and I hope that I can make her proud.

I am abundant because of all these people. Abundance isn't always about money, things, etc. Those don't last forever. Abundance is about the people in your life, how they affect yours and how you affect theirs. All of these people helped shape who I am today. I have changed a lot in two years and I thank all of the people listed above for helping me become stronger, more independent, smarter, and more loving.

Okay, now that I have written the world's longest blog post and made myself cry....I think I am done.

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