07 May 2009

Tough Times

This is a better breakdown of what's going on:

Things are really tough right now. On Sunday, I got a myspace message from my SIL Krystal asking if I was coming to Reno because Hubby was getting R&R soon. I was totally confused by this as I was told by him that he was going on a long mission, like a month long. Shortly after that I discovered he had another myspace, as well as another email account and a couple people I know have him as a friend. They didn't bother to tell me.

On Monday, I received an email from Hubby telling me he wants a divorce. This was totally out of the blue and gave no explanation whatsoever. Shortly after reading the email he called. I was of course freaking out, crying and begging him to not do this. He told me "I love you but, am not IN love with you." He kept repeating "I can't do this" and he sounded really out of it. He hung up saying he had to go to a meeting.

I called the FRG leader and was completely distraught. I called my Mom to come be with me as well. The FRG leader emailed command telling them about the situation and how I was concerned about Hubby's behavior prior to and including this incident. Yesterday, the Army basically said they were not going to do anything as it was not affecting his job performance. They confirmed he was going on R&R but, would not release dates or where. The FRG leader took pity on me and told me that it appeared he was going to Nevada. He's not even going to see his son.

Hubby emailed me at 2:20 yesterday morning. Again it was a very disconcerting email, he said he didn't know what to say or do and that no matter what he did he got yelled or bitched at. It appears he is upset that I went to command, he didn't come right out and say that. He says we can talk when he gets back but for now that he is done. I have no idea if he means we will talk when he gets back to the states for R&R or if he expects me to wait until this deployment ends.

I am posting this blog so that everyone knows what's going on with me. I have always been faithful to my husband, supported him through every thing he has ever done and stayed with him through the drama he caused on the last deployment, which also occurred around R&R. All I can say is that at this moment in time I have taken steps to protect myself financially and I am preparing for the worst.

If Hubby's intentions are to leave me hanging for the next several months, that is not going to happen. I deserve an explanation for the behavior, though I am pretty sure its deployment stress related. I am giving him some time and space but, there is only so much of that I can give. I have to think of myself and my happiness.

I want to work this out with my husband. I love him with all my heart. I believe we can work this out through counseling and actually communicating without fighting. He is the love of my life and right now, things are so confusing and for the first time I am terrified for our future.

Please pray for us, send us your positive thoughts and vibes. Light a candle too. We are gonna need all the help we can get.

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