28 June 2010


The title reflects how I have been feeling lately. Sex and intimacy are hugely important things in a relationship to me. When I get rejected (which is practically every time I try to initiate things) it makes me feel unloved, unattractive, unwanted, etc. It makes me feel like something is wrong in our relationship. It makes me feel like my wants and needs are of no concern. I feel a lot of the time like what I want doesn't matter. Not so much fun in a relationship. I'm tired of feeling like I care more about my boyfriend than he does me. I'm tired of not feeling like I matter in his life and I am tired of feeling like his roommate that takes care of him.

I've talked with him about this multiple times and I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other. Maybe by writing it out in my blog, hoping he reads it, the point will get across. I love him and want to have a future with him, but if things continue on the way they are....I am not going to stay. Both people in a relationship are supposed to grow and change somewhat, I don't see that happening. Each partner should be willing to find some sort of compromise to make sure that the other half of the relationship is getting what they need. It shouldn't all be about one person. That's how I feel, like its all about my boyfriend. I can't remember the last time I got asked what I wanted/needed/etc. I know what I want and if he is not willing to give me that, he needs to tell me now, before things become more serious than they already are.

We get along so well, except for my feeling like this constantly. We laugh so much together, cuddle, kiss, etc. Its just this vibe I get, like he is keeping himself distant to try and not get hurt again or something. I know part of me does that too, but after eight months, it shouldn't be an issue anymore.

I don't know what to do. I love him very much, but I don't want to waste my time if its not going anywhere or if I will never get the things I want.

This blog is probably going to cause a huge fight. I just needed to get this all off of my chest before I exploded.

No comments: