I don't understand why we fight so much during AT, MOB and deployments. Is it really so difficult for him to talk with me on the phone? I am tired of hearing the conversations in the background when I should be discussing things, anything with him. I also don't like how he snaps at me when I get upset that he is doing things he shouldn't while injured.
He keeps talking about how he is going stir crazy and bored. Oh, I am sorry, I am too boring for you? Way to make me feel like shit honey, its not like you are ever going to read this anyway, despite how many invites I have sent to you about this blog. You can send myspace messages to people but, you can't even check out this, a record of what its like for me?
My life seems to be filled with so much negativity lately and I am really sick of it. Things were going so well before he left, I was even starting to feel better yesterday and BAM! Its back to the negative black hole. I really just need to get into a space of my own, away from the people I live with. I am too much of a control freak to have roommates that are nothing like me. Plus, it will be easier to carve out quiet time to start meditating again.
Sorry if this is a depressing entry but, I will have lots of these throughout the deployment. Its just part of the way things go on a deployment. I keep in things so much and then they blow out, usually on paper. Since I don't have a journal unpacked, its time to blog.
Okay, here is me trying to go back to being positive:
I know things will get better once I move. I can have things the way I like them, concentrate on my health, my family and my work.
I know that my husband loves me dearly, despite his assholishness right now. He tells me daily that I am his beautiful goddess and that he doesn't know what he would do without me in his life. I know that I love him dearly and I tell him every single day. I too, do not know where I would be without him in my life.
I am just going to concentrate on my goals and keep those in sight during this next year. That should keep me somewhat sane, right?