20 July 2008

Having A Hard Day

For the past few days my sadness over missing Hubby has gotten progressively worse. It probably doesn't help that I am in the two week wait either. I want so desperately for our family to come together, to be a true blended family. As much as I love my stepson, I want a child of my own. To be there from the beginning, to change diapers, to breastfeed, to get up all hours of the night. I want to experience those things.

I say to myself over and over again throughout the day that "I am pregnant." While I optimistic that I am, I still have my moments of doubt. Having a big fat negative on a test really didn't help to keep up the hope. Things like picking out boy names, cause we have already decided on a girls name, adding things to the online wish list I have and staring at my treasure map are all things that help me stay positive.

Another thing that helps is talking to Hubby. He is absolutely sure that I am pregnant, he even told the baby to take care of me the morning he left. He called her Isabella, the name we have picked out. Writing that just now has me in tears. I would probably be an even more negative person if it wasn't for Hubby. He helps balance me out, which he says is why we are meant to be together.

I just wish I could call and whine to him, to hear the positivity in his voice. I will just have to wait until he calls me tonight to hear it. It will be wonderful because of how weepy I have been these last oh 3 days now. I mean, 2 horror movies made me tear up on Friday. How bizzare is that?

I am sure I will get my BFP soon. When it does, I hope you all don't mind being woken up early with either a phone call or a picture text. I apologize in advance for my OCD and general craziness. Its the hormones.

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