25 August 2008


I feel all sorts of depressed today, nothing really specific is bothering me. I think its just a combination of everything at this point. Its really hard to put all the feelings I am having into words, because its just a jumble of sadness and the like.

I really just want to talk to Hubby because I know he can help me feel better, work out the things I have going on in my head, or if all else fails make a stupid joke to get me to laugh. Times like these are really hard for me because he is my rock and while I have strength of my own, there are days when that is not enough. This just happens to be one of them and he's only been gone a week. *sigh*

I need to get the hell into my own house. Friday's lease signing could not come fast enough and I am really hoping that I can move in this weekend. I don't want to be around for another freaking party of my sister's and I don't think I could keep my mouth shut if people have sex on my stepson's bed again. Which reminds me, I need to disinfect that somehow. I hope washing the sheet and blankets is enough.

I have never been so disrespected in my life as I have been while living with my sister. Pretty much all of my cups have been broken as well as my couch being torn and very smelly. Most of my towels have vanished into thin air too. Not to mention that her boyfriend has given me $50 bucks total and she hasn't given me a cent.

Can ya see why I can't wait to move. I am basically gonna be paying off the bills from here for several months. I have not been this behind in the last 2.5 years and it doesn't help that we have gone three weeks without getting paid thanks to the military screwing up.

I can get us back on track, it will just be a bit of work. If the Goddess would be so kind as to give me a Doula client each month for the next three months, I would much appreciate it. Not only would it bring in some money, it would keep me somewhat busy. I just hope the Goddess answers my prayers after I unpack all my Doula stuff.

I need to keep focusing on positive things. That should help my funk, right? So who wants to help me keep thinking positive?

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