Well, the counseling service I called yesterday is "not accepting people with insurances." Basically if I have a medical coupon or if I was poorer they might take me. Apparently they are at capacity in this area. I really don't want to call up a random counselor not affiliated with any center. Unfortunately that appears to be my only other option. I guess my googlefu powers are gonna get lots of work today trying to see if these people have any info out there.
The pain I feel inside of me right now is so great that I am afraid its going to swallow me whole. Most days I don't even want to get out of bed. Other days, I cry off and on all day. Miraculously I am still working out for the most part and that is probably all that is keeping me from going completely off the cliff. I feel the pain in my heart, at times it hurts so much I cannot breathe and I shake. I usually wake up that way too. Great way to start the day, every. single day.
Hubby said to me during one of our fights last month that he "obviously chose the wrong fucking profession." He did not but, the way he handles things, including me when he is gone is what's wrong. I do not ever want him to feel like he has to choose between me and the Army. I love being an Army wife and he is such an amazing soldier. These deployments just tear us up and its so hard to remember who we are to each other. Especially when all we can focus on is the bullshit that this huge separation causes us.
I love my husband with all my heart and I know these blogs have been pretty depressing lately. I am trying with all my might to get better, to get my family to a better place.
I need support. I need a freaking vacation too.
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