This Is Hard

I forgot how hard these deployments are on me emotionally. I have decided to try a different counselor, I just feel too uncomfortable with the one I saw on Thursday. I have no problem dealing with my childhood. I just don't think it should feel like the counselor is intentionally inflicting pain on me, which is how it felt in that session. Then, she really went over my comfort line in my opinion, by trying to hug me after our first meeting. I called another counseling clinic today and hopefully will get a call back in the next couple of days.

If this next number does not turn up anything, I will be calling several others. I hate picking out a random name from a list, so I am trying to go through centers that are covered by my insurance and hope that I get a fit with one of the counselors. I absolutely abhor this process of trying to find a counselor. It is always so difficult and it probably does not help that I am pretty picky.

I am going to start on my Solstice shopping soon. I have to get Hubby's presents to him before the 4th of December so that they make it there to him in time. I need to get him food, junk food, some silly string (they use it to check for trip wires and for fun) and I need to get him some other fun stuff as well. I just hope I have enough money to cover his stuff and the shipping. Shipping is always a bitch, luckily I get the flat rate boxes.

Solstice shopping during deployments is always hard on me. I am not even sure I want to go visit my family this year because of how depressing it is for me to be without MY family. Last year we did family pictures at my grandparents. My piece of the family got left out, I had to ask my Dad to take pictures of the three of us. How horrible is that?

I am going to keep repeating several mantras: "It will be over soon," "I am strong and can deal with this again," and "I love my life," and "I love my Hubby."

Hopefully those mantras will help.