30 November 2008

I Am So Proud!

Hubby got promoted to Sergeant (SGT) today! He has fought so hard for that promotion and I am damned proud of him for finally getting pinned. His promotion is backdated to October, so there should be some sort of back pay coming in for that. Hopefully the back pay for that will be included with the back pay for his hazard duty pay and his hostile fire pay. I am hoping all this back pay will mean that I can in fact get the money together for midwifery school. I will have a chance to look at whether or not that is possible here soon enough, once his LES pops up that is.

We did have a semi-huge fight today, we keep taking stress out on each other. I need to find a better way to deal with things and so does he. This promotion is good news and will definitely help out in relieving some stress. Its just one sign of even more good things to come.

I have 31 days to come up with the $500. I really believe that I can, even if I have to scrounge money from out of my couch and such. I am not giving up on this dream as I feel that I can make an amazing midwife. I think it will definitely fit into the plans I have for my business.

Speaking of Doula things, I am still waiting for a call back from the director of workshops at ALACE. I am thinking another email is in order as well. She might have forgotten about me in all the holiday rush. I will probably give it another week though.

I just need to take a moment and rant at people who think it is fucking okay to make fun of someone who has social anxiety issues and a touch of agoraphobia. Do you really think its fucking helpful? I mean really now, you being an asshole really convinces me that I want to leave my house and make friends with other potential assholes. I have had these issues for most of my life and counseling did not really make them better. I try, really I do but, people down right practically frighten me.

I am not very bright anymore, I am not pretty and I don't have a lot of money to even do the things I like to keep me sane. Knitting group is fun, I just don't have money for yarn and its kinda stupid for me to go there and knit the same damned thing. Not to mention my feeling like a moron or freak complex. Its kinda hard to get over when you are fucking TORMENTED your whole life and abused by your peers.

With all that said and done, I have no idea what to do. Now, I just feel like crying about how pathetic I am. Which sucks because I was really starting to feel better today too.

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